Clairvoyants, psychics, I have lost something. Please help me find it

your dildo is under the left couch cushion between the armrest and cushion

Your wallet. It's in you back pocket.

Your keys.
Inside or under the couch you normally dont sit on, but your kids do.

Listening to vanilla ice was cewl again

Your dignity, and sorry, it's gone forever.

your pen knife your dad gave you is in the wood above the fire place.

for real it's something you put inside your anus and that was a trick question because it's the remote and you have it inside you right now.

Your ring it fell down the sink.

I still need help finding my new eyeglasses! Come on guys help me! I can’t see them! It’s like they vortexed wtf. Seriously

i never found it. it's a toy pizza from the Mafex Peter B. Parker. I might have thought it was a sun chip and thrown it away or i threw it somewhere that i knew i would find it later, like my toy storage area or the box of another figure