To Christians Who Sin or Who Struggle. My Freedom, and Message of Hope to You.

Can I tell you part of my story to freedom? I met Jesus a long time ago. I had a very supernatural conversion incident.

Maybe your sin is different, but at the root it is the same.

At one time I was in your place, a captive to sin, daily sin for 30+ years, multiple times a day. Lust, masturbation, Etc.

I feel so bad, so guilty, how could I do this to God. Nothing brought relief.

I confessed to friends, family, pastors. I wrote letters to Christian leaders, including Pat Robertson, I even fasted for 30 days. Nothing brought me freedom. Every day I failed.

Then one day I had an idea. I knew this Christian lady from Russia. I had seen her pray and get instant answers (this is a gift given only to some).

So, I go to her and ask her if she will fast and pray with me for one week, that I might be closer to God, to receive some kind of brokenness.

Then about 2, maybe 3 weeks later, without me connecting the dots, not even remembering the fasting and prayers, my life literally feel apart.

Car accidents, losing a 20-year job, lose friends, relationships with kids and family fall apart too. But my job... That was the killer, without it, I can't support my family, I would fail them. I couldn't bear it.

I was so crushed. I decided I had had enough; I would end this now. I'm done.

I grab my shotgun, load it with d ought and walk into the woods. I buried the stock in the dirt, asked God to please forgive me for what I'm about to do went straight on, and put the barrel ion my mouth, and pushed the trigger with my left thumb.

A few minutes later, I waken, and sight comes thru my eyes again. I'm laying flat on the ground, and I think, "I'm not in heaven, and I'm not in hell, oh no, I'm in the same place".

I notice blood all over, the gun laying perfectly parallel to me, on my right side? As if someone had been holding it, or guiding it, and laid it there, by me.

I'm cold... I grab the shotgun, wrap it in the blanket, and walk back to my car, placing it in the trunk.

Every step, soaking the ground with blood. My pants are bloody, my boots full of blood, my car gets soaked, it's everywhere.

I get to my house, no one is home. I leave a trail of blood with each step. I go upstairs to my bed room, I'm so tired. I lay down, but then get up. I walk into the bathroom, and see my face for the first time, and notice my injury. Half my face is gone, on the right side.

I hear someone enter the front door. I close and lock the bathroom door. I hear hurried steps, and someone shouts my name (Dad)...

My son knocks on the door. "Dad are you alright, what's all this blood". Yes, I'm ok, just call your mom, she will know what to do. "Dad open the door, or I'll kick it down".

My son sees my face and runs to the phone, the ambulance and police come, and a helicopter flies me to Harborview. I'm there for 1-2 months, 3 or more surgeries. Lots of blood lost, as I had severed the carotid artery.

Then I went home... How is this possible, why am I alive? What does God think of me now? First, I live a life of backslidden, sin, and then try to kill myself! Is He mad at me, hate me, or what?

Every day my family has to clean my wound, a hole 3-4 inches into my head, opens up, and needs daily care, until it gets fixed and heals completely. Then one day...

I'm all alone. They all go shopping, and also need a break, from the intensity of the situation.

As I'm sitting at the table, I look outside, and see the rain drops falling to the ground. THEN... I hear a voice.

He says "Rod, why do you believe what you believe and who taught you". I say "Lord I don't know, maybe I just picked up things on the way, as time went by".

He says "Do you think TRUTH, goes from THE MIND of one man, and into the mind of another"? I said "No Lord. I believe TRUTH is REVEALED".

He says "Do you remember the story of David, on his rooftop"

"Yes, Lord I remember". "Do you remember what David wanted to do, and what I told him". "Yes Lord, he wanted to build you a house".

"And I said NO". "But another would build my house". "He would have a son" "NOW WATCH ME FULFILL THIS SPOKEN WORD/PROMISE".

One day David is on his rooftop, and he sees a woman, and says..."Get her for me"...

***No one but God could arrange these circumstances in order to fulfill this promise, her there at the right time, David seeing her, and liking her.

Then He says to me, "Do you have a problem with me using sin, to fulfill my will". I say "No Lord, for you created the law, you could make it vanish also, it is not possible for you to break it, for you are above it".

Rod "I don't want you to ever put your sin above my love and grace for you. Don't ever do it again"!

"IT IS NOT YOUR JOB, TO CHANGE YOURSELF, that is MY JOB; I am the farmer, you are the vine, I am the shepherd, you are the sheep.

WHEN I want to change something in your life, I will bring it to your attention, and you JUST AGREE WITH ME"... "You just rest."


Allow me to elaborate on the freedom from sin, and how that occurred. After recovering, I still found I struggled so...

I'm driving, and lusting. I yell out loud at God "when are you going to help me with this"!

All of a sudden, I hear this statement "why don't you tell me the truth". I say "what truth"…Then my understanding is opened and I SEE!

I say OK Lord… "I don't want you to interfere, I love my sin and while I'm troubled about it, I don't want you to interfere" leave my sin alone.

Do you know what happened? I somehow forgot all those thoughts about sin and lust, if they came back I would confess this new-found truth and somehow my mind would be distracted from this sin again. This went on for a couple days, and then I found myself free. FREE after YEARS of DAILY STRUGGLE.

***This was 12-15 years ago; I have been free ever since. I live the life of Hebrews CH4.



**** I hope this helps/blesses you. Just rest. Sin is dead to us, even if we commit sin, it is DEAD, and it has been paid for. IT has no power over us, it has no meaning for us.

Christ took it to the cross and killed it in the flesh, you NOW live in spirit, like changing cars. You went from a car, and now sit in a plane. The car (flesh and sin, which is in the flesh, can't fly, only a plane can fly).

You have been crucified in Christ, that is who you are now.

But you still live in a BODY that is tied to sin. You cannot LET it have influence over you. No one condones or wants to sin, but When and if you sin, COUNT IT AS DEAD, as if it didn't happen. JUST walk on...

It says Boo, and you just ignore it, it is dead.

This was 12-15 years ago, and I've been free ever since.

Last Edited by rod777 on 01/29/2022 08:49 PM