Question for guitarists: What's up with old dudes who have two dozen strats but no other guitars?

I had a Peavey T-15. Gave it away in college.

Stupid move.

everyone knows that the best guitars are made from the shit you find in your shed

No argument there.

The strat has a couple of design quirks that define its sound. One is the lower output pickups that are brighter than the typical humbucker, giving a "chimey" quality. Another is the weirdly angled bridge pickup that sits very close to the bridge for the high E. This gives the bridge pickup a "funky" character you won't find on any other guitars. Finally there's a middle pickup that alone or with one of the others give a sort of "quacky" tone.

The telecaster has that same funky bridge pickup, but lacks the middle pickup. Using it with the other pickup produces a sound not available on the strat, and that's really the only thing that makes the tele special.

Anything with a fat humbucker in bridge position gives you the basic high-gain tone you need for harder music. It doesn't matter if it's an LP clone or a Superstrat or anything else, as long as you have this bridge pickup and it's a good one you're ready to go for heavy distortion.

I honestly think the above sums up 90 % of what anyone needs to know about guitar tone. The rest is just minor differences, and different form factors giving different feels when you play the guitar.

Strat control placement is obnoxious.

Short scales and offsets are where it's at.