If you're a beginner to the Craft, there's some crap you need to get you started.

You need to be fat, first of all. It really helps with the whole aesthetic. Then you need a name like Loralee because that sounds Celtic and you can tell everyone you're hereditary and over 500 years old.

You also need to have bad hair highlights with roots showing. You can have radioactive green, or dyke blue and pink, or your standard bleach blonde with grey. Anything as long as it looks like crap.

Then you need a pentagram thing to have a pentagram. It doesn't matter what it means. The important thing is not to actually know what you're doing, but to convince morons that you're wise when you're actually a complete moron.

Then you need a candle and a witch knife from some new age curio.

Then you need a cheap Hobby Lobby table, or something from Goodwill that you call an altar. It's one piece of crap altar, but we'll call it an altar anyway, because if you're going full retard anyway, who cares?

Then you need to say Lord and Lady a lot. It doesn't matter which Lord and Lady because you don't really care anyway. As long as you have some standard Lord and Lady, you're all groovy cool.

And that's about it. Now you're a witch and can start putting crap in a jar and keeping around the house with your black cat.