Where does the love go when a relationship is over?

its hard for me to believe its an illusion. we've all seen....dont wanna call it "success" stories but real ppl who have it.

those who step out are selfish as their reasons are selfish and have no respect for the sanctity of their vows they took.

That's not a fair statement. I stuck out living a lie until I couldn't anymore. Yes, most everyone said about me the same thing you are saying. But they weren't living the lie i was. They only saw it. They didn't know the person that I knew behind closed doors.

I tried to get him to go to counseling, tried to get him to spend time with me, cried, prayed, begged, screamed........nothing changed. But according to societal norms, I was supposed to forever ignore that and pretend blissful happiness?

My wife of more than 30 years ashes right here in the living room.

Stage 4 cancer.

yeah but cheating in as marriage? hows me sayn thats selfish unfair? try to fix it or leave 1st, doesnt a marriage vow mean anything? even if the partners an asshole

No, cheating is not right! But authenticity is a must. Living a lie does no one any good.

No, cheating is not right! But authenticity is a must. Living a lie does no one any good.

i wrote this on newsbreak. im the orig author no copyright infringement. i post without compensation or promotion.


where does the love go when the relationship is over?

The story herein is non-fiction; true events that occurred in my life.

Where does the love go when a relationship is over?

Is love just a temporary, quintessential emotion? The best of relationships create tons of passionate electricity, a bonding connection, with laughter and some tears. Then when it's over, often nothing remains but memories. Is love generated from oneself?. Do "we" create a state of mind and feeling from the interactions we have with another person?. Does love abide independent of our own feelings, bodies, chemical reactions, and the situation that creates it?.

The loss of a love, it's one of the most profound types of pain we can feel. One grieves in the same manner as a physical death but it may manifest in other directions. Rejection is an acrimonious bitter pill. There is an anguishing distress in your heart every single time you think about them, or hear a song on the radio, or come across something of a reminder of them. You experienced pinnacles of happiness when you are with them, and now when they leave, you experience a nadir of torment in sadness.

Some couples have demonstrated decades of longevity, i.e. golden anniversaries, and their love remains unyielding. Some have the life-long commitment, but are trapped in a loveless relationship.

Many relationships that I have observed start off as that some kind of wonderful, however once the "honeymoon period" has worn off, the relationship wans and they break up. They tend to move on, and begin new relationships. Some I've seen equate to that of an assembly line, going from one relationship to another.

Was it really love they were experiencing? The definition of love is in essence 'an intense feeling of deep affection or admiration'. It is unconditional, non-judgmental, and selfless.

How can one feel so deeply for another, and then not?

My story began 42 years ago. A man I fell in love with while I was still in high school, was the brother of a good friend. We were together a few years. 1980-83. My parents loved him, and he treated me well. He had bought me a promise ring, with the intent we would marry once he graduated from truck driving school, and me from dental school. One day, I had called him and he wasn't home. I called for a week, and the response was the same. I finally drove to his house, and received the news from his kid brother. The love of my life went to Florida, and nobody knew how to reach him. Needless to say, I was devastated. I had no clue he was going to leave me. The last night we were together was a normal evening for us both. For 36 years I carried this loss with me. My life post 1983 was a void. I lived, I existed but I emotionally was rendered an empty shell.

Meanwhile, I had married twice to men I didn't love, and had 2 children. I have an antiquated belief system, where you only get one great love in a lifetime. There is no past tense in love. I could "love", but not be IN LOVE with someone. That was predominantly the reason why these marriages didn't work. These men knew how I felt pre-marriage.

36 years later he and I met again. His sister needed legal & other assistance with her parents estate at a time when I was visiting my former hometown. He claimed he didn't "remember" why he left me years ago. My heart forgave him and we renewed our relationship. It was the fairy-tale come true. I was finally getting my happy ending. He promised me he would never hurt me again. He promised he would never leave me again. He said the reason he was still single and had never married, was because he was waiting for me all his life. I was 'the one' he said. The way he would look at me, was as if he was looking at me for the very first time. I saw the 'love' in his facial expressions. His eyes reflected the love. *I've since questioned myself; did I see what I wanted to see?

On my birthday he gave me a card which was the most beautiful card I ever read.


The love I feel for him consumed every fiber of my being. I need him to breathe. My life is defined by him. He returned the sentiment, or so I believed. I deduce, when you're IN LOVE, you can "feel" it. Or is that a blind attribute? Disillusionment?

My definition of REAL love is being ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Two months after he gave me that card for my birthday, we were married. It was just us in a small ceremony. It was romantic. I was ecstatic. I was going to grow old with the love of my life. The "perfect" storybook romance. It didn't matter to me that he didn't have "money" (saved). I would have lived in a cardboard box with him. I was proud of him. He had many faults, however I loved him regardless. As long as we had each other, that was the greater rich for me. Love trumps money in my opinion.

By July, a mere 3 months after we were married, it was over as he threw me away. He broke every promise he made to me - again. He was flippant & acted as if we weren't real. What happened? How do you go from professing eternal love and commitment to a "bye, see ya" disposition? I was left with a 3 month marriage & unrequited love. I begged him to provide me with an explanation, however he couldn't break from the constraints of his egocentric mentality.

Has love become disposable?

I was wrecked. He broke me a second time. I'm damaged goods. He emotionally paralyzed me. I should hate him but I an unable. I am a pragmatist, and I cannot come up with an explanation as to why he left me again. He had once questioned my integrity, as to why I married twice and where I admittedly didn't love these men. Here he did the same with me. Was this my karma?

The last 4 years I have beaten myself up, trying to figure out how one could love another one minute, then not love the next. From June of 2016 to July of 2018 I showed him everyday how much I loved him. I did everything to please him.

I ask myself everyday, 'what did I do in my life, that was so horrible, to deserve this?'. I'm a good person, generous/giving, smart, highly intelligent; for age 58 I'm considered good looking, with a head for business & as "bod" for sin. I'm highly respected and have a stellar reputation.

If he called me tomorrow and apologized, in all probability the odds in me taking him back are 100%. I'd rather have 15 minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special.

The last 4 years I rose like the phoenix from the ashes, and rebuilt my life. I'm financially stable and spend my time helping people through activism & advocacy. I keep myself busy.

I love him to this day. I remain IN LOVE with him. I cannot date anyone either. I'll never marry again.

My heart will forever be restless, until I know, where does the love go?

In 1993, the band Haddaway asked the world, “What is Love?” I’m not sure if he ever got his answer.

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

Yes, I know 2 people this happened to.

Woman was married for 30 years, 1 grown son and she thought she was in a good marriage. Her husband would go on golf trips and she would do little trips with her girlfriends. Then one day the husband says he's in love with another woman and wants a divorce. Those golf trips weren't golf trips. Left her for an older, wealthier woman. Her adult son was in the wedding - she said that especially hurt. It's fucked up. This happened 15 years ago - she's 65 now, never remarried.

Another incident was a guy I was stationed with. He got out of the military, was a contractor, did a remote in Iraq for a year because it was a lot of money. He came back, they bought a huge house in Texas and the wife encouraged him to do another year for the $$$. While he was there, she hooked up with a colleague and told him the marriage was over. He moved to Colorado, took a job there and last I heard he spends his free time at the VFW getting drunk.

our stories are very different, but then again, not so much. You fell in love with a narcissist. I fell in love with someone who ultimately had mental health issues, to which alcholism was secondary, which result in depression so deep it could not be found... which manifested as sexual addiction and perversion of unspeakable ways.

I endured emotional abuse throughout this marriage that I was determined to not walk away from...... to the point I couldn't stomach the thought of another man ever touching me again.

So there...... I've put it out there...... I'm sure I'll regret it.

It's not you...it's him Classic TEXTBOOK NARCISSIST. Sorry you're hurting. Love is blind. Therapy would help. I'm not being flippant. I was married to a narcissist for seven years. I won't go into the gory details but as an empath and a co-dependent person, it was not easy to break away. But, there is not a day that does by that I don't thank God that I escaped that psychopath. I got therapy and now, well into my sixties I am finally learning to love myself, respect myself and I am finally renewing my connection to God who loves me for who I am and unconditionally. Best of Luck to you Phen. I wish you healing.

Sorry for all the typos in the last post but my phone is not working right. Hope the sense I was making comes through.

The person that you love never existed, or only existed for a moment in time. He's shown you twice who he really is. You seem to have pushed him early on to get married, and you can tell from his life that he has avoided being chained down by marriage. He apparently has made a life of seducing women and sucking the love and sex out of them. When he reappeared in your life, he said all the words that you wanted to hear, which were all (true) lies and he was playing a game. You are Bound by your words. You say you love him and will not change. You don't need a psychiatrist, but you need a psychologist/counselor that can convince you (to change your words and) to move on. He's ruined your life up to this point, and there is absolutely no sense in letting him steal the rest of it.
You have a very powerful personality, Phen, and I really don't know what type of man matches that. Maybe your friend the psychiatrist or a counselor can point you in the right direction.

Where does Love go? It seems to be the substance that God is made of. God IS love. He's trying his best to give it away. But, if it's really a substance, maybe it returns to him. When people recount their NDE's, they are all overwhelmed by the Love that they encounter/feel in his realm.

i still talk to his sister. we have an agreement. we dont talk about him. she sometimes slips but i remind her.

Sorry that happened to you. Yeah, the “love bombing” and then discard phase both times sounds like a Narcissist. Their brains can “mature”(sociopaths too) between 50-60 years, and they are less so.

Take all those years of love and energy you gave to him, and apply it to yourself, or ask the Universe to recycle all that powerful energy into something to really support your life. The answer is the energy is still there, it can transform and you can help it transform, into something amazing for you.

People treat you the way you subconsciously feel you deserve to be treated. Massive fear of abandonment leads to more abandonment. Get your mind right and start living your wildest dreams.

I am sorry to be blunt and do not mean to hurt you. However, men do this because women allow it! I am a nice man and I have lost women to men that treat them horribly. I don't know if it is some "I can fix him" issue with women or what draws them to men like this. Men like this are a cancer but women fall for it time and time again.

I've been tossed aside before by a woman who chased after the bad boy who wanted her. She was just another trophy for him. Sadly, I don't think she cared. Women are very odd.

thats just it. he didnt mistreat me the entire time. this came as a shock. just went to shit in one day.

i trained my phone with my shortcuts then it fkn reset on me dunno how but now i gotta start all over n i get a bazillion typos now