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How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 80335803
United States
09/17/2022 02:14 PM
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How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
The person in question is a family member. This person has been doing this to me my whole life, and it gets worse by the day. I try my best not to fight with this person, I let things go, I forgive. I explain that I don't like being gaslit, I don't like the mind games or the bullshit. This person says they won't do it again, and that they have no idea why they do it or why they lie so much. This person also claims to be a Christian, which I do not believe for several reasons. It's a long story. Anyway I'm at my wits end. How the hell am I supposed to deal with this shit? Is there any hope for this person to become normal? It's pure evil is what it is.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 80335803
United States
09/17/2022 02:17 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
I've been abused in every way a person can be abused and I can tell you straight up nothing holds a candle to mental abuse and gaslighting. Nothing. Only other thing would be physical abuse that ends in death or lifelong permanent injury.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 82631459
Armenia
09/17/2022 02:19 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
cut ties.

either do it now or suffer some more years.

plenty of info on narcissists on this site.

suffer or get them outa your life. your choice.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 83848603
United States
09/17/2022 02:22 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Oh my, you're dealing with a psychopath. They never change and can never rehabilitate. They're just wired differently. Walk away and never turn back.
X
User ID: 84066222
United States
09/17/2022 02:22 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Virtue signaler
roguetechie81

User ID: 79785318
United States
09/17/2022 02:23 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
The person in question is a family member. This person has been doing this to me my whole life, and it gets worse by the day. I try my best not to fight with this person, I let things go, I forgive. I explain that I don't like being gaslit, I don't like the mind games or the bullshit. This person says they won't do it again, and that they have no idea why they do it or why they lie so much. This person also claims to be a Christian, which I do not believe for several reasons. It's a long story. Anyway I'm at my wits end. How the hell am I supposed to deal with this shit? Is there any hope for this person to become normal? It's pure evil is what it is.
 Quoting: 1010.


You're not supposed to deal with them that's the secret.

They're a no win situation cut off contact and stop giving them your energy.
roguetechie
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 80335803
United States
09/17/2022 02:28 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
This person claims that they never did drugs either. It truly is evil. I don't think it's some insane mental defect, because they speak English and they know the definition of words. What usually happens is with any given subject, the person will just make up things out of nowhere, spend an hour telling me something then completely switch and say the opposite in the same conversation. Then you ask which is it? What's the truth? The first thing, or the second thing? Then the person starts accusing you of God knows what. Anything. Then when the person finally admits they lied, they will then say it's not a lie. So then, you have to go into the definition of the word lie. They will agree with the definition of the word lie, yet insist that's not what they did, even though they just admitted to saying something that is not true.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 80335803
United States
09/17/2022 02:28 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Welcome to hell.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 80335803
United States
09/17/2022 02:30 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Yeah looking more and more like I need to just accept the fact that this person will never change. Very sad.
Vamps333
User ID: 71911903
United Kingdom
09/17/2022 02:30 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Welcome to hell.
 Quoting: 1010.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 82631459
Armenia
09/17/2022 02:32 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Welcome to hell.
 Quoting: 1010.


Listen Friend.

I removed my own fucking MOTHER from my life for the same thing.

you need to take action. (if thats your choice).
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 81457142
Brazil
09/17/2022 02:34 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
i have a sibling who did that to me. my suggesion is to end all contact as soon as possible.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 80468311
United States
09/17/2022 02:36 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
What part of your family is it and do you live with them?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 81457142
Brazil
09/17/2022 02:36 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
i have a sibling who did that to me. my suggesion is to end all contact as soon as possible.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 81457142


remove the person from your life, as it only gets worse. they are emboldened by your continued acceptance of them an will do worse things.
PEEBALLS

User ID: 79316260
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09/17/2022 02:39 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
ahhh
time is short,seek your maker.
Deplorable Zenobia

User ID: 83964349
United States
09/17/2022 02:40 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
OP, there's an expression here in the deep South, don't know if it's anywhere else in the US....'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.'

But I lean towards Eastern philosophy and it's more like, 'OK, apparently we got unfinished business from past lifetime so I'm stuck w/ you again to get it right this time around, dammit!'
tounge

That said, no matter how you lean philosophically, try to learn the lesson of accepting them for who/what they are w/ no hopes for changing. That way you limit your time/exposure.

And that means cutting them out of your life, well, just send means having to only deal w/ them at family events, if that's a thing w/ your family.

Good luck. It's all about acceptance and limitations.
And thought struggles against the results, trying to avoid those unpleasant results while keeping on with that way of thinking. That is what I call 'sustained incoherence.' ...David Bohm

“How, O Zenobia, hast thou dared to insult Roman emperors?” ...Aurelian, 44th Emperor of the Roman Empire
Judethz

User ID: 79555498
United Kingdom
09/17/2022 02:40 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Welcome to hell.
 Quoting: 1010.


sunnysmile Well I admit that I've never tried this one. But how about agreeing with every word they say? Then exaggerating their reply and lavishing them with praise, and telling all the other family members what they said.
PS: "Accidently" video/record things.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 81457142
Brazil
09/17/2022 02:43 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
I've been abused in every way a person can be abused and I can tell you straight up nothing holds a candle to mental abuse and gaslighting. Nothing. Only other thing would be physical abuse that ends in death or lifelong permanent injury.
 Quoting: 1010.


yes, it's very bad. i was married to a mental abuser and felt extrsme relief onc hd wasmout of my life. i have also fel relief and a reduction in stress since giving up on my brother, he lying gasligher and possible sociopahic narcissis. he did not learn these behaviours from our parents, probably from our half uncle and others. the half uncle's rapist father obviously spawned tainted progeny which 9ur grandmoher should have aborted or left a the orphange as he was a terrible influence on the family. h recenly died, i wish to God he damage he caused would be fixed for our family and others.
RestoreTheAnger

User ID: 78146701
United States
09/17/2022 02:45 PM

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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
You could just stop being such a pussy? 1dunno1
Sorry, that message is no longer in the database.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 81872927
United States
09/17/2022 02:48 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
cut ties.

either do it now or suffer some more years.

plenty of info on narcissists on this site.

suffer or get them outa your life. your choice.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 82631459


This is the answer.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 71567386
United States
09/17/2022 02:49 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Op you obviously need to remove yourself from relationship with the sociopath

you can talk to them occasionally by email or phone but you never do anything for them and stay away

time to create a new life with good people
GreenAngel
User ID: 7161062
United States
09/17/2022 02:49 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
cut ties.

either do it now or suffer some more years.

plenty of info on narcissists on this site.

suffer or get them outa your life. your choice.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 82631459


Yup.

I was the black sheep of mine. My sins and flaws were a free for all yet I was never allowed to stand up for myself or have boundaries.

My hair started growing and that tension in my stomach was gone once I got them out of my life. Gaslighting is so evil it's ridiculous. And for someone like me who has no problem exposing myself and my wrongs I don't understand how people can be "high christians" yet play head games the way they do and never admit to being wrong.

As hard as it is you literally have to cut them the hell off for YOUR HAPPINESS. Even if you have noone left it's better than anxiety and tension. You DESERVE peace.
XJDUB

User ID: 1208594
Canada
09/17/2022 02:59 PM

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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?


0:56.
Let the facts fall wherever, whenever, and however they may.

INTP - The Logician. 'Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.' - Albert Einstein.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 81457142
Brazil
09/17/2022 03:04 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
OP, there's an expression here in the deep South, don't know if it's anywhere else in the US....'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.'

But I lean towards Eastern philosophy and it's more like, 'OK, apparently we got unfinished business from past lifetime so I'm stuck w/ you again to get it right this time around, dammit!'
tounge

That said, no matter how you lean philosophically, try to learn the lesson of accepting them for who/what they are w/ no hopes for changing. That way you limit your time/exposure.

And that means cutting them out of your life, well, just send means having to only deal w/ them at family events, if that's a thing w/ your family.

Good luck. It's all about acceptance and limitations.
 Quoting: Deplorable Zenobia


fuck off


that's terrible advice. iNknow because i used to follow that bullshit.

IT ONLY EVER GETS WORSE!!! AND IT IS NOT DUE TO UNFINISHED BIZ FROM PREVIOUS LIFETIMES.


FUCK OFF.
waldork

User ID: 83411700
United States
09/17/2022 03:04 PM

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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Put them in your rear view mirror and don’t look back.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 81457142
Brazil
09/17/2022 03:07 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
OP, there's an expression here in the deep South, don't know if it's anywhere else in the US....'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.'

But I lean towards Eastern philosophy and it's more like, 'OK, apparently we got unfinished business from past lifetime so I'm stuck w/ you again to get it right this time around, dammit!'
tounge

That said, no matter how you lean philosophically, try to learn the lesson of accepting them for who/what they are w/ no hopes for changing. That way you limit your time/exposure.

And that means cutting them out of your life, well, just send means having to only deal w/ them at family events, if that's a thing w/ your family.

Good luck. It's all about acceptance and limitations.
 Quoting: Deplorable Zenobia


fuck off


that's terrible advice. iNknow because i used to follow that bullshit.

IT ONLY EVER GETS WORSE!!! AND IT IS NOT DUE TO UNFINISHED BIZ FROM PREVIOUS LIFETIMES.


FUCK OFF.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 81457142


fixed to leave th bad advice.

you do not want to see these people again....it only causes stress and anxiety.

do not accept them.
Butch DeFeo

User ID: 83141632
United States
09/17/2022 03:13 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Tell the person you are not interested in him her, and to please not contact you any more.
:DOCSRBAFFLED::redblueLED::DONTBEAPANDEMICS:
Only you can stop the fake pandemic for yourself, no one will ever tell you the pandemic is over. It's time to WIN.
ACME_MAN

User ID: 82776350
United States
09/17/2022 03:54 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
Sounds like you may be dealing with a narcissist. Removing yourself form the situation is the only solution in that case.
Dedicated to the brave men who fought and laid down their lives on the beaches of Normandy and the plains of Europe . . . that their sacrifice was not in vain.

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Deplorable Zenobia

User ID: 83964349
United States
09/17/2022 04:00 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
OP, there's an expression here in the deep South, don't know if it's anywhere else in the US....'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.'

But I lean towards Eastern philosophy and it's more like, 'OK, apparently we got unfinished business from past lifetime so I'm stuck w/ you again to get it right this time around, dammit!'
tounge

That said, no matter how you lean philosophically, try to learn the lesson of accepting them for who/what they are w/ no hopes for changing. That way you limit your time/exposure.

And that means cutting them out of your life, well, just send means having to only deal w/ them at family events, if that's a thing w/ your family.

Good luck. It's all about acceptance and limitations.
 Quoting: Deplorable Zenobia


fuck off


that's terrible advice. iNknow because i used to follow that bullshit.

IT ONLY EVER GETS WORSE!!! AND IT IS NOT DUE TO UNFINISHED BIZ FROM PREVIOUS LIFETIMES.


FUCK OFF.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 81457142


fixed to leave th bad advice.

you do not want to see these people again....it only causes stress and anxiety.

do not accept them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 81457142


Sorry 'bout whatever triggered you, sir/madam.

But if one holds out the possibility of reincarnation, past lives, karma, then one would also hold out the possibility of the either 1) learning an important life lesson or 2) teaching another an important life lesson.

Kind of unrealistic to think that OP won't ever attend a family wedding, funeral, reunion just b/c of the possibility of being in close enough proximity of asshole kin.

No matter, my advice still stands, OP. Accept 'em and just limit your exposure as best as you can.

And to you AC who told me to FUCK OFF....well, bless your lil' hard heart.
cool2
And thought struggles against the results, trying to avoid those unpleasant results while keeping on with that way of thinking. That is what I call 'sustained incoherence.' ...David Bohm

“How, O Zenobia, hast thou dared to insult Roman emperors?” ...Aurelian, 44th Emperor of the Roman Empire
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 83767945
New Zealand
09/17/2022 04:26 PM
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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
since it is a family member, if you want to maintain limited contact, tell them you love them and wish them well but that their behaviour is no longer acceptable because it is causing you health problems and stress so you will not be able to communicate with them anymore until some unspecified time in the future when more appropriate boundaries can be established. then cut off all face to face contact with them and email them once per month simply saying. "I love you and hope you are well" and nothing else. do not answer any of their comments or questions or statements ever again.

if it was anybody else, (not a family member) i would say to just cut them off completely. depends how bad it is. if there is any physical abuse, you should cut off all contact and communication.
Gemini Rising

User ID: 80829763
United States
09/17/2022 04:30 PM

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Re: How am I supposed to deal with someone who constantly lies and gaslights me?
You cut them off. You refuse to speak to them or listen to them. This will mean you lose other family members who do not understand, but in the long run you are better off without that poison in your life. Cut them off.





GLP