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How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?

 
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:38 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Parents, children, extended family, friends, and anyone we consider blood.... how do you cope with losing them? I was never taught and feel my maturity level to deal with loss is not where it should be.

It might not get easier, but how do you cope?
 Quoting: uhhuh


Grieving is unique for every individual, you really never know how you’ll react until it happens to you.

Kubler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief is a raw interpretation of how we handle grief and for me my first reaction was anger, but that’s because of the manner in which my loved one died.

Accidents, suicide, drug ODs, homicide, acute deadly illness are all sudden deaths which will leave most people in a state of shock for a long time. Guilt and the “what ifs” start taking hold, there’s no way around it.

I’m a funeral director so I see it everyday, but in my own opinion the best coping tip I could give anybody is to cry your heart out. Cry, cry cry. Embrace the raw emotions the come with grief.
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:38 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Parents, children, extended family, friends, and anyone we consider blood.... how do you cope with losing them? I was never taught and feel my maturity level to deal with loss is not where it should be.

It might not get easier, but how do you cope?
 Quoting: uhhuh


Exploring the entire concept of Death can help - reading about Near Death and Shared Death experiences can bring comfort to some that life just possibly might not really end. Our body is just the shell used by our energies over time.

There are so many variables to your question - and attachment to the person lost is very individualized. The loss of some is much harder than others, for example a child, vs a grandparent. Also, the type of loss.

This is a complex subject, and I don't feel our culture really deals with transition very well.

Suicide and loss by murder are the harder losses to process imo. I lost a friend to suicide, which she committed on live stream - the trauma was so acute from this experience I found it hard to stand straight up for a few days - inhale fully - I sought out an acupuncturist and told her to treat me for mental trauma and that helped with the complete physical and psychological shock I was experiencing in an acute way.

Loss can be so shocking, and people really can die of a broken heart.
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:39 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Parents, children, extended family, friends, and anyone we consider blood.... how do you cope with losing them? I was never taught and feel my maturity level to deal with loss is not where it should be.

It might not get easier, but how do you cope?
 Quoting: uhhuh


I found out today that my brother in law passed away and it hit like a rock, but I have experienced personal loss. Think of the good things, it makes the time pass easier.
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:39 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
After losing both parents and several extended family members at a young age, I’ve found there really is no true coping mechanism. Life situations have never really allotted me time to grieve either. So for me at least, “coping” with loss of loved ones came in the form of moments of remembrance in daily life. Discussing anecdotes from the lives of those gone which correlate with my own experiences, perhaps celebrating a moment of joy (preparing a favorite recipe, doing an activity, etc) of those gone with the perspective that they too would enjoy what I’m doing and some part of them may live on through me to share in that.
Robot Emotions

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09/26/2022 06:40 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
I lost my wife and unborn child almost 20 years ago.

I coped by crying and mourning at first.

When I had no tears left, I coped with booze.

When I had almost fallen into the well of despair that drinking brings, I got straight and began trying to live for them. Did things I knew she would enjoy. Went places she had mentioned wanting to see. I celebrate life's little wins and dedicate them to her. I don't know if that's still trying to cope, or trying to move beyond coping with loss.

Everyone is different. How have you been trying to cope with loss?
Coorslightly

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09/26/2022 06:40 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
you look in the mirror and say its part of life and nothing you can do about it. you weep cry and then its over. as the years go by its like another lifetime of dreams.
GodLikeProduct

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09/26/2022 06:41 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Parents, children, extended family, friends, and anyone we consider blood.... how do you cope with losing them? I was never taught and feel my maturity level to deal with loss is not where it should be.

It might not get easier, but how do you cope?
 Quoting: uhhuh


I think the question is not entirely correct.

I do not think its about blood.

Its about the depth of how much you loved.

That being said... each person is different some may deal with loss using humour. Others cry for many years. Just let it flow out....no one else knows you better than you.
Murphy
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09/26/2022 06:43 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?

Simply ..one day at a time. Sorry for your loss.


Murphy
Deplorable Zenobia

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09/26/2022 06:44 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
It's different for everyone. There are common themes, though.

For those who've lost a spouse, a lot of us will attest to the fact that not a day goes by where we do not think of them.

Then there are cultures w/ the many different ways of doing things. Here in the deep south, it's a mountain of food coming from everywhere w/ everyone dropping by family's home.
And thought struggles against the results, trying to avoid those unpleasant results while keeping on with that way of thinking. That is what I call 'sustained incoherence.' ...David Bohm

“How, O Zenobia, hast thou dared to insult Roman emperors?” ...Aurelian, 44th Emperor of the Roman Empire
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:46 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
It's not easy and it's something that can't be taught.
You have to deal with your grief on your own terms. You can be mad, you can be sad, you can smile at all the memories you made. You will likely go through them all and it's expected.
Rule #1 is keep going. You have to keep doing what you do. If you let it eat you up and disrupt your daily life it will kill you. Keep busy.
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:48 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Don't stop loving or you ain't livin
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:48 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
You have no choice. You just remember the good and try to forget the bad.
They’re never too far away. I can be doing something and in my head, hear them respond. You will get used to it in time.
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:49 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Parents, children, extended family, friends, and anyone we consider blood.... how do you cope with losing them? I was never taught and feel my maturity level to deal with loss is not where it should be.

It might not get easier, but how do you cope?
 Quoting: uhhuh


It does get easier, but that doesn't mean its going to be easy. Lost my best friend 11 years ago, grandparents 2 years ago, and others during my life. The pain will always be there, its just that you get to a point to where you can function with it and without it. With experience, faith, and love, you will gain wisdom and strength to take on "death."
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:49 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Parents, children, extended family, friends, and anyone we consider blood.... how do you cope with losing them? I was never taught and feel my maturity level to deal with loss is not where it should be.

It might not get easier, but how do you cope?
 Quoting: uhhuh
I went to see a grief counselor n joined a group therapy! It helped with the loss of my mother but it was at times almost unbearable!and I prayed!! I hope u n everyone else going thru loss find someone to help u thru the grieg anger depression etc that comes with every loss.hf
Five Forty Four A.M.

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09/26/2022 06:50 PM

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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Getting old ain't for wusses, because the older you get, the more loved ones leave us.
It's weird, too how each death in our life is totally a different experience one from another.

Losing my 21 year old son was of course the worst. I kept wanting to bring him a blanket while he was in the morgue. It's still very hard to look at his pictures to this day, after 8 years. Each year gets easier, and I talk to him sometimes to feel comfort.

When my folks passed within 6 months of each other, it was sad but nowhere near as hard.

Now my best friend is deep in stage 4 cancer, and she's able to talk about her own death more each day. What's so horrific is that it looks like her 18 year old son has osteosarcoma. Obviously her fears for him are so bad it's difficult for her to stop worrying Long enough to concentrate on her own health. It's almost impossible to know what to say to her, so I learned to shut up and listen.

It seems easier each year to get ready myself for my own demise, because soon there won't be too many folks left here. I think of it all as a waiting room. Waiting for the next train to catch, and travel the universe or dimension. I sure hope so. Love really is the glue, as I see it. Hope and faith of reunification is all I got. If not, well joke's on us I guess.
*<3sugar&spice<3*

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09/26/2022 06:50 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
there is no "right way" to grieve actually.
"Live each day like it's your last, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching."

GO PATS!!
:Go Patriots!:
Peregrinus

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09/26/2022 06:52 PM

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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
you look in the mirror and say its part of life and nothing you can do about it. you weep cry and then its over. as the years go by its like another lifetime of dreams.
 Quoting: Coorslightly



Yes, eloquently put.

Mourning a loss today of 8 years
Mourning a loss from three days ago

"As the years go by, it's like another lifetime of dreams."

I like how you said this. It's beautiful to me. Thank you. hf
"Like a shit-storm, weather man; I am."
-Peregrinus
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:52 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
I suppose different people deal with death in different ways.

I am older now and half my family are now gone. When they first started dying off, it was hard. It was new to me, I had no experience with death. As the years went by, and everyone got older (and then started dying) it was never pleasant but a certain resignation set in- this is how life is, we are born, we live and we die. It is the circle of life. But with this circle- people drift in to your life, people drift out of your life, more people drift in....

My wife died almost seven years ago. The last two years of her life she suffered greatly. So when she died- I was happy for her, happy her pain was gone. I missed her (I still do) I grieved but not that hard. I think it would have been much harder if she were healthy and just suddenly left this world.

I have a daughter and a partner- I love them both so much. It would be VERY hard to lose either (I hope I go first.)

One thing I have is faith. Many people do not have faith. Faith gets me through the bad times in life. And when things are going well, faith helps me to appreciate these times more.

I am an emotional person but I have learned that we must control our emotions (the highs and the lows.)

Not sure if this helped but....
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:53 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Parents, children, extended family, friends, and anyone we consider blood.... how do you cope with losing them? I was never taught and feel my maturity level to deal with loss is not where it should be.

It might not get easier, but how do you cope?
 Quoting: uhhuh


It's not about YOU coping. It's about YOU understanding death and YOUR DUTY in dealing with the death of a loved one.

Consciousness survives death.

Assist your loved one on their journey. It's not about your grief, it's about understanding all energy survives.

How do you plan for that. Deal with that.

Eastern cultures knew about that journey. And how to prepare for it.

Westerners are lobotomized from those realities, to even mention you can intervene in the Crossed Over One's journey is deemed "crazy".

Their death is NOT about you. It's about them. Teach your loved ones how to be dutiful to help you when it comes to your time.
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:54 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Getting old ain't for wusses, because the older you get, the more loved ones leave us.
It's weird, too how each death in our life is totally a different experience one from another.

Losing my 21 year old son was of course the worst. I kept wanting to bring him a blanket while he was in the morgue. It's still very hard to look at his pictures to this day, after 8 years. Each year gets easier, and I talk to him sometimes to feel comfort.

When my folks passed within 6 months of each other, it was sad but nowhere near as hard.

Now my best friend is deep in stage 4 cancer, and she's able to talk about her own death more each day. What's so horrific is that it looks like her 18 year old son has osteosarcoma. Obviously her fears for him are so bad it's difficult for her to stop worrying Long enough to concentrate on her own health. It's almost impossible to know what to say to her, so I learned to shut up and listen.

It seems easier each year to get ready myself for my own demise, because soon there won't be too many folks left here. I think of it all as a waiting room. Waiting for the next train to catch, and travel the universe or dimension. I sure hope so. Love really is the glue, as I see it. Hope and faith of reunification is all I got. If not, well joke's on us I guess.
 Quoting: Five Forty Four A.M.


Goodness, heart aches from reading your response and thank god their are people like you out there, by that I mean, sincere and compassionate individuals leading with their hearts.
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:55 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Those hit with personal loss (most everyone at some point in life) must focus on their ongoing responsibilities and duties. One day at a time focusing on the living. The pain will repeatedly creep in, you just have to kick it out and keep going.

All in good time the memory of loss will be replaced by more positive memories--and the pain will be no more. Granted, some losses are worse than others, but if someone has their grief on parade a year after an event--they are screwed up totally--they are likely on anti-depressants and have given up on life.
DMJ

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09/26/2022 06:55 PM

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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
It's coming up on a year now, lost my wife of 43 years. I feel just as sad as day one.

You just moving forward.

Last Edited by DMJ on 09/26/2022 06:57 PM
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:56 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
I have heard time and praying for other people to come to know the Lord. I lost my sister and husband within 60 days. It has not been a month since he passed. Both had a "repentence" at the end, it has been a mindblowing experience.
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:58 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Alcohol.lots.
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:59 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Be grateful.

Be grateful for the time you had together.

Don't ask for more than you get.

Appreciate all your relationships as though they might vanish at any time.

Because they can.

BTW no one really dies they just cease to appear sensuous.

-sincerely,

the mushroom
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 06:59 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Parents, children, extended family, friends, and anyone we consider blood.... how do you cope with losing them? I was never taught and feel my maturity level to deal with loss is not where it should be.

It might not get easier, but how do you cope?
 Quoting: uhhuh


They're not dead. Just moved to another "room" or something. I'm serious. I still feel their energy and they are still around, just not "here".
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 07:01 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
TIME.
Square peg

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09/26/2022 07:02 PM

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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Lost my brother in the 70’s and have in the last few years lost both my folks.

Brother was the hardest, I was just a kid myself. Unfortunately it was suicide and he had a drug problem so my friends weren’t allowed to come to the house and because of that when he died they were non existent.

Only one person spoke to me at the funeral. Folks were, of course, devastated and were barely holding each other together. So I drove. I drove all night sometimes. I drove hundreds maybe even thousands of miles. I listened to the music he loved and I cried. Eventually the tears stopped and I no longer needed to drive.

Not sure I ever really got over it, I think I just learned to live with it. As far as my folks, my husband helped me face those. They were easier because of him.

Last Edited by Square peg on 09/26/2022 07:04 PM
If it is done with courage, it leads a heart home.~Sheila Moon

And by and by Christopher Robin came to the end of things, and he was silent, and he sat there, looking out over the world, just wishing it wouldn't stop.

A.A. Milne
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 07:03 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
you understand they are not dead they have moved on.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 36224241


hf
Anonymous Coward
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09/26/2022 07:05 PM
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Re: How do you COPE with the death of a LOVED one?
Parents, children, extended family, friends, and anyone we consider blood.... how do you cope with losing them? I was never taught and feel my maturity level to deal with loss is not where it should be.

It might not get easier, but how do you cope?
 Quoting: uhhuh


I acknowledge the phases of life, I realize that death is not the end, that God is good and merciful, and that when you lose someone it's not "good-bye" it's "see you tomorrow." You can turn death around into something positive - say "I have every reason to look forward to the future - the life after will be beautiful."





GLP