At LAST!!!...TRUST THE SCIENCE....THEY FINALLY FIGURED OUT whats KILLING EVERYONE...ITS NOT THE VAX AFTER ALL...ITS...

Thread: Experts Warn Certain Sleeping Positions Could Increase Risk Of Blood Clots & Heart Problems

Oh wait...my bad..

Its WHAT POSITION YOU SLEEP IN THATS DOING ALL THE KILLING..

REEEEEEEEE

Thread: New warning - CAFFEINE increases risk of blood clots

No....wsit...

Its COFFEE...

ITS THE COFFEE THATS DOING ALL THE KILLING AND CLOTTING...

DOUBLE REEEEEÈEE

Thread: So many young adults dropping dead from heart attacks. Now it's explained... Marijuana did it! LOL

Oh no...

I have to GIVE UP THE BONG....

ITS THR BUDDS THAT ARE DOING ALLL THE KILLING...


TRIPPLE REEEEEEEE

Thread: New Sinister BBC Predictive Programming for Young People Dropping Dead

Ah SHIT...

SO MUCH FOR GETTING IN FUCKING SHAPE....ITS

THE TREADMILLS AND EXCERCIZE MACHINES DOING ALL THE KILLING...


REEEE...WHEEEZE....

baffled!

Thread: Urgent warning to gardeners as SOIL ‘increases risk of killer heart disease’

Ahhh FUCK...NOW ive gotta give up my FUCKING GARDEN TOO.

ITS THE DIRT THATS BEEN DOING ALLLL THE KILLING

REEEEEEE

Thread: Deaths from heart failure rise among young Americans. No shit!

Now ive gotts GIVE UP LIFE CAUSE..THE STRESS OF LIVING.

IS DOING ALL THE KILLING..



REEEEEEEEE

Thread: Ok , what can I say, heart problems in athletes are caused by referee whistles

Oh NO...I CANT PLAY ANY SPORT ANYMORE...


ITS THE WHISTLES...!!


THE FUCKING REFEREE WHISTLES ARE KILLING ALL THE PLAYERS...

DOOOOOM.

REEEEEEEEEE

Thread: Heart Attacks Are Now Officially Caused by WARM WEATHER!!!

Oh BLOODY HELL!!!

Now I cant even GO OUTFUCKINGSIDE ON A WARM DAY...

THE WARMTH WILL KILL ME.

ITS THE HOT WEATHER THATS BEEN DOING ALL THE KILLING...



REEEEEEEE

No. It's climate change!

Thread: Narrative change to hide vaxx deaths: Researchers warn that cold weather can cause blood clots & heart attacks

Oh FOR FUCKS SAKE...

NOW I CANT GO OUT IN COLD WEATHER EITHER!!!

COLD WEATHERS WHATS BEEN DOING ALL THE KILLING.


REEEEEEEE

You are RIGHT


Thread: Australian news report - Melbourne's fluctuating temperatures causing "gene changes" and illnesses.


And ALL THE CRAZY ANTI VAXXERS SAYNG THE VAX CHANGES YOUR GENES...

ARE WRONG...

ITS TEMP CHANGE THAT DOES IT.

CLIMATE CHANGE FUCKS WITH YOUR GENES...


REEEEEEE

Incredible

go on

Thread: Heart Attacks in Healthy Young People Caused by Cold Showers

AhhhSHIT SHIT SHIT...

NOW my KIDS cant even have a COLD SHOWER on a HOT DAY..

COLD SHOWERS IS WHATS BEEN KILLING ALL THE YOUNG.


REEEEEEE

Thread: If you take naps your risk of stroke SOARS, new study says

Ahhhhhh FUUUCK!!!!!

NEED SOME CAFFENE....SO I DONT NAP!!!

ITS NAPPING THATS BEEN DOING ALL THE KILLING...

Ih wait...

Thats RIGHT...

COFFEE KILLS TOO


REEEEEEEEEEE

I enjoy your humor OP. Maybe it's ultraviolet radiation. Or water. Or breathing, everyone stop breathing!

Thread: SCIENTISTS STUDYING TEMPERATURE at WHICH HUMANS SPONTANEOUSLY DIE with INCREASING URGENCY! This is worse than SUDDEN ADULT DEATH SYNDROME!

And I must BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR HOT OR COLD FRONTS..THEY HAVE BEEN KILLING PEOPLE IN DROVES


REEEEEEEE

Thread: UVC Radiation reaching earth since 2011 now killing immune systems

Must STAY OUT OF THE SUN.

ITS THE SUN THATS BEEN KILLING EVERYONE BY THE STADIUM LOAD...

REEEEEEEEEE

Thread: Sexism means thousands of women needlessly die from heart attacks

Blow me FUCKING SIDEWAYS.

ITS THEM FUCKING SEXISTS THATS BEEN KILLING ALL THE WIMMINS...

OHHH NOOOO..

REEEEEEEEE

Sarcasms may cause heart attacks....

Thread: Anxiety and stress can kill you. Symptoms: shortness of breath. Heart pain. Feeling faint. Part of the psyop.

And ALL THIS DOOM THATS KILLING EVERYONE BY THE BUSLOD IA STRESSING ME OUT..

AND THATS DOING ALL THE KILLING TOO..

AHHHHH

REEEEEEEEEEE

Thread: Vitamins the cause of heart problems in twenty years old's

And now BEING HEALTHY IS DOING ALL THE KILLING...

FUCK ME ON SATURDAYS...


REEEEEEEE

Thread: JUST IN: Death’s are up because of lockdowns.

So the KEPT US LOCKED UP TO PROTECT US FROM ALL THE VARIOUS DOOMS...

AND TURNS OUT...

LOCKING US UP WAS DOING ALL THE KILLING....


REEEEEEREEEE

Thread: Cardiologists say herbal supplements causing heart disease!!!

So I thought id take a deep breath and chill out to a nice relaxing herbal tea...

WHEN I REALISED...

ITS THE HERBAL TEAS THAT HAVE BEEN WIPING OUT ENORMOUS SWATHES OF THE POPULATION...

REEEEEEEEEE

I had a cold shower just last friday, out hot water system died...

I lived through the cold shower! Didn't have a heart attack.

Thread: Artificial Sweeteners Now Causing Spike of Sudden Deaths

So I figured on a nice diet coke or something sugar and caffene snf herb free so I dont FUCKING DIE and...

IT FUCKING TURNS OUT...

THAT ITS THE SWEETENERS THATS BEEN DECIMATING THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF EVERYONE

REEEEEEREEE

Thread: Heart attacks increase by 40% around Christmas time due to stress and changes in daily schedules, experts warn

So why not forget ALL THAT SURROUNDING DOOM AND HAVE A NICE CHRISTMAS?I COULDNT...



TURNS OUT CHRISTMAS IT KILLING MILLIONS EVERY YEAR....


REEEEEEEE

Thread: High Protein diet during pregnancy and lactation has 8x increase in SIDS

So I thought...

Fuck THIS SHIT...

I WILL HAVE A NICE THICK STEAK AND RELAX...

TURNS OUT...

ITS THE MEAT THATS BEEN TOTALLING THE POPULATION...


REEEEEEEEEE

Thread: Breaking news! NFL says the vaccine is NOT to blame for player who had stroke on TV, balmes "the way he got tackled"

So bugger it...

Turn on the TV and watch me some footy to take my mind of things...

Then BAM....PLAYER DROPS DEAD...MID GAME.

50TH FUCKING TIME THIS MONTH...

BUT IT TURNS OUT ITS HOW THEY ARE TACKLED THATS WIPING OUT ATHLETES IN THEIR FUCKING DROVES...

EVEN IF THEIR SPORT DOES NOT INVOLVE TACKLING...


REEEEEE