I certainly remember living in a delusional state, the one they call 'consensus reality' - the one it seems you are still a slave of - may you awake to your innate potential friend - however, I am afraid though, if you haven't awoke yet, the it is already too late for you -never fear, the wheel will turn again, it will always turn - you'll get off it, eventually.

also, Jeremy, real life is not hard- it is wonderous and full of light - it sounds like you are struggling?

relax, breathe, life is all there is.