Q for all mother's

oh honey, I am so so sorry. I dont know what the best thing to do is.. but I'll pray for you and send you lots of healing love to your broken heart.

thank you

Wow. I'm so sorry. Maybe you could find a women's abuse counselor and talk with her. Maybe she could give you some advice. It is almost like she is part of a cult.

Maybe you could kidnap her and have a safehouse and counselor set up for her. Talk with someone first.

added - Do you have a strong male or males in your life? You could nab the guy and beat the shit out of him. Drop him off in the nearest ocean. lol

I'm so nasty - I'm thinking of drugging the guy and ......

I would be soo seriously pissed off and thus dangerous.

Maybe he can be arrested even if she won't press charges.

Last Edited by Enaid on 12/06/2009 01:16 PM

I think all you can do is make sure she knows you love her and she and her baby can always come home, no matter what. No judgment, no hassle, when ever she wants she can come and you'll do everything you can to support her. Say it and mean it.. its the best you can do. Then FORGIVE yourself.

Where's dad and if he is not available you may need to rent-a-dad for a few days.

All you can do is keep loving your daughter. If and when she's ready to make the choice to leave she will. My own daughter went through a similar situation. She called to come home and I gladly took her back into our home. I did tell her though that should she choose to go back I couldn't help her again. She did go back but in less than a year she got out of that relationship completely. That was 2 yrs ago. Now she's living in another state doing extremely well.

My heart goes out to you because I know the deep ache you feel. It's hard to be mom and still acknowledge that she's at an age where she can make her own decisions, right or wrong. I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

collect every one she knows.. family and friends and invite yourselves over for a loving intervention. She wont go with you, but it may plant a seed in her brain that she is loved and she doesnt have to live the life she is living. I'll get professional support on this one.

I think all of these ideas are very sound.

LOL I love you guys!!

Dad is absent--was here over Thanksgiving and refused to bring up the subject cause he only gets to see her occasionally. Didn't get to see her this time at all.

Step-father (my hubby) and son-in-law want to go and beat the crap out of him....men get really pissed off I have seen when it comes to outsiders hurting family. That gave me some solace.

She knows she can always come home, even with the baby.

I guess I am just having issues, go figure. I am finding it incredibly difficult to keep my mouth shut. Besides controlling the fantasy of me stomping this ass till there's nothing left.

He's a drug dealer/user (yeah I know nice environment for my grandchild huh). Have thought about calling the cops, DFS etc but I don't see that'll make much difference as long as she is willing to live like that.

I been crying for 2 days. Cell phone is now shut off. She called yesterday a.m. said she wanted to go X-mas shopping and out for lunch with me and her younger brother. After several hours we knew she wasn't showing up and ended up going by ourselves.

I called her last night.......as she answers the phone I can hear the punk in the background screaming....."what is that your fucking mother....click". No response to email, phone, facebook etc

I have never known rage as I have in the past few days. That's a little unnerving for me to say the least.

I would definitely go with rent-a-dad! Bruises and he hangs the phone when you are talking with her. Time for some old skool intervention for sure.

Could you talk to a cop about a welfare checkup?

Tell him about the bruises and the call. Say you are worried about her situation and would like to have a counselor talk with her.

Maybe he could keep the shit-head busy - so you can talk with her.

Does the skunk work? Take her then. Have her disappear.

Take pictures of her bruises.

----

Pay a couple of guidos (Bruno and Sally come to mind) to give the thug a little "advice".

throw a party she will come.....

he's local, in the same town as ours. yeah he works--buffing supermarket floors at night--can't get a real job cause he can't pass a drug test.

Called a friend on the force in a nearby town, not what I wanted to hear. Not much they can do. Especially if she tells them that she got them by "playing around" fighting. Which is her patent line when questioned about the bruises.

I guess I am just gonna have to suck it up and pray she snaps out of it. As long as she is going along with it, everyone's hands are tied. Another poster suggested an intervention with family and friends. Already tried and failed. She just closes herself off even more. As long as she is still in that "love" stage she's not willing to listen to reason.

that's actually the only thing I haven't tried.

Lots of good advice here.


In a sense, your daughter is being held captive.
Perhaps by her own emotions, but nevertheless she is in bondage.


This is more than "issues", OP.

Your daughter's life is at stake here.

Get help ... as I said, lots of good advice already on this thread.



. .

Last Edited by Aquarius 7 on 12/06/2009 01:52 PM

I agree with AQ7 This situation could get far worse if there isn't some sort of intervention asap.

kill the bastard!

I'll do it for free.

Nice I will too. That's two Treasure!

My daughter was in a very similar situation, as I said in my previous post. In her case the guy was able to skate around the cops because he would turn in some of the top feeding drug dealers in the area. There were people that wanted to do TERRIBLE things to him and his twin brother. Not long before my daughter finally left him, a bug was put in one of those men's ears about where he could be found and he was roughed up pretty bad. It showed my daughter just what could happen to her if she chose to stay with him and happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

As her mother you are walking a tightrope and can see that one wrong move you could lose her for good. The BEST thing you can do is keep telling her you love her, your home is HER home and that you are there for her. You can disagree with her decisions but being supportive of her will reinforce the love and she WILL come home. If you force her it could push her further away and right now that's the last thing you need.

That's a rough one and I can see it from both sides. I was that pregnant teenager living with an abusive man and I put up with it until my son was born.

It dawned on me when he was about a year old that I didn't want him growing up in that and my love for my son was what motivated me to get the hell out.

There's a lot of good advice on this thread, but girls that age are not always the wisest. Just keep the door open to her, no matter what - you sound like a good mother and the good judgment you instilled in her will rise again.

And if this fucknut beats and kills her daughter and the baby I am sure she will be comforted with your do nothing scenario.

Actually Phoenix to put it bluntly...I'm not one to be so blatant so I wasn't to begin with: she should find out who his enemies are, either her or a male relative and approach them. Tell them where to find him. They won't generally bother the girl because they only want that one thing... THE GUY. The cops often WON'T help. So you go over and beat the fuck out him, where does that land you? In jail. What real good would that do the girl? It will also push the girl further away and it accomplishes nothing.

Why not instead let those that don't have anything at stake go after him? Yeah In my daughter's situation it was her father that put the bug in the ears of the appropriate people. He also made it clear that if ANYTHING happened to our daughter they would have to worry about him and not the cops or anyone else. She had a wake up call given to her in a way that we couldn't do ourselves without pushing her away. I KNOW the heartache of the OP all too well.

Wont be the first time I ended up in jail for beating the hell out of some wife beating retard. Non intervention doesn't always work with mentally challenged men like this.

Lets recap the story here. This young lady is being held captive and she has been seen with bruises and is not allowed to talk with friends or family. The bf is also doing drugs and there is now a baby involved. If you actually knew anything about abuse victims then we could agree that this young lady is not in control and is not able to practice free will.

The fucking stupidity of people amaze me. She is clearly in a life threatening situation and you tell the mother the girl has to make the choice?

that's I guess what I am most afraid of for her and the baby

we live near a large city...the thug is small potatoes and has been able to successfully manage getting out of trouble every time.

'suppose I shouldn't reveal this but the dynamics are important in order to get good advice. Her stepfather and my son in law have already gotten "permission" (cripes I sound like I'm in a movie with Al Pacino) to beat the shit out of this ass.

I told them not to. I felt the risk to my daughter and the rest of my family was too great. Permission is a slippery slope and once it turns that way I'm not willing to go that route.

I know intellectually the right answers here. I just am an emotional mother today worrying about my daughter. I love all of you, my second family. Thank you for all the support. I can't get that picture of my litte girl in pig tails sitting on the counter helping me bake out of my head today. URGH

that's how you git it done, right there. put a bug in his enemy's ear. maybe some guy he turned in? HINT, HINT!

I would say it is the responsibility of the men in the family at this point.

If they don't and something happens to your daughter will they be able to forgive themselves. Fuck apathy and chivalry isn't dead.

Your daughter is being abused mentally and physically and it need to be stopped..period.

I'm not going to continue this argument with you Phoenix. You know me not and therefore you CANNOT judge what I know or not know, what I am and what I'm not. The bottom line here is we are all concerned for the girl's well being and are trying to offer advice, we are on the same side. I'm sorry if I offended you with my advice to her, it's merely one more option and one she can choose to use or disregard. No matter to me; I'll be keeping the OP and her family in my thoughts and prayers regardless.

. .





Well said.

. . .