Near Death Experience - thoughts & ponders (personal experience - be nice)

Hello everyone.

When I was younger, I would experience what we call "deja vu's". After a devastating event later in life, where I actually wanted to choose the "easy way out", but did not, the "deja vu's stopped. Years have passed now, without a single "deja vu".

You know, they say that we have lived before, many times, living through the same issues and obstacles of life, towards "spiritual perfection". In my mind, "deja vu's" are reminders of those times. The times, when we were still struggling through the hard times, we gave up on.

A mysterious feeling came over me, a feeling that I had "conquered" what I had previously let go of. I had "come out on the other side", stronger, and life before me was no longer written in stone. I had changed as a person. I had become more tolerant, more humble, more grateful.

Like a rough stone, my temper and intolerance had been polished away. I had developed patience and understanding towards myself and other people. And it dawned on me, that this "new person" I had become, was actually whom I knew deep within, I really was.

I had been healthy all of my life, strong and vital. Nothing could get me down. When suddenly I came down with a serious illness in my stomac. It took only 6 months to loose all of my body fat/muscles. As the days passed, I would gradually feel my body let go of me. Finally I lay down on my bed and I remember thinking: "I give up now, God..."

And unseen force grabbed me, and I had a NDE. I was taught how to pass through to the other side, to the next life. There were other people there too, learning how to die, and teachers who took care of it all. And what a beautiful afterlife we have in store. Green, lush meadows of spring as far as the eye could see. I even got to fly over all of this, to take it all in. However ... I was not allowed to stay. I was loaded into a bus, with the other people attending the same "course" in dying - and we were about to roll back home - when the unseen force grabbed hold of me once again and pulled me back into the afterlife.

"You thought it was that easy, huh?"

What looked like a "cardboard-demon", came towards me, and I covered my face and babbled words of a prayer in my head. Glancing through my fingers, I could still see the "cardboard-demon" approach me. That's when I panicked and cried from the bottom of my heart: "GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!"

I woke up.

No no no, we cannot cheat life. We cannot cheat death - and we cannot cheat God. There are no short cuts, no easy way out. There is merely hard work and a narrow path. And each and every one of us, have to walk it.

And I who thought I had become a nice person - still had a "cardboard-demon" within. A demon, that I was not allowed to bring into the afterlife. Hey, I didnt even get to see God. I was just in one of the "deparments" of heaven.

Because where God is, you need to be all clean, all love... meek and humble. Just like a child.

I was not all that. I still had work to do. I woke with the words in my head: "I am the way, the truth and the life." Hmm... where had I heard those words before?

I must add, I do not belong to a religion. I never will. In my mind, religion belongs to this world. But Jesus belongs to both. I read everything I could lay my hands on about His life on earth, and His deeds - and the more I read, the more I wanted to get to know this wonderful man. And the more I got to know Him, the more I wanted to BE like Him. Not in a religious way, but in a personal way.

Me & Jesus have a personal relationship now. 5 years after my NDE. We're buddies! He's my big brother and I dont care what other people say abt that. It's the way it is and everyone who wants to, can have such a relationship with Jesus. No religion, just Jesus and You.

My family and friends are my blessings, because I couldn't really learn life's lessons without them. So bless them all. l have learned to appreciate my enemies. They are indeed an important part of my personal learning process, my experiences here on earth. As I am to them. I would go as far as to claim: we chose them too.

But my life is my own, I have to walk the road on my own. I have to make my own choices and finally - I have to die - alone. And when I die, I have to leave EVERYTHING and EVERYONE behind.

Earthly possessions wont matter anymore. Even my physical body cannot be brought into the afterlife. Because it is of this earth of good vs bad. What matters is: What my heart contains.

In my NDE, I was sent back, because I was not yet ready to enter what some of us call heaven. I had to go back, work through my illness, get back up on my feet - live and learn that which I did not yet know. At that point I had no idea how to manage any of that, I had to take one small step at the time. Little by little and cling to my Faith.

Five years have passed. I have pondered and "knocked" and asked and pleaded - and finally I am beginning to understand what the "cardboard-demon" represents:

See, I had become a fairly good person and detatched myself from many of the earthly values. And from many of my personal issues like anger, greed and jelousy. Some, because they no longer had any value to me - others because I chose to detach from them. But I was still missing something.

And I cried out: "WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME, GOD?"

See, GOD does not "want" anything from me. God knows me, who I am and what I am doing here - and God knows I will one day return to Him surely like the sunrises. And even if I have to spend lifetime after lifetime here to peel off the layers of fault, God is patient and loves me unconditionally.

But there is another smart-azz within (that I had not been aware of) - THAT WANTS SOMETHING FROM ME. In me, there is not only "the GOD (good) spark". There is also "the EVIL (bad) spark". And all 3 of us live and thrive inside of my PHYSICAL BODY - and act through my heart (my emotions).

For after all, physical life is the life of struggle between good & bad, right?

And this smart-azz does not want me to love unconditionally, it does not want me to be utterly patient, to turn the other cheek, to love my enemies, to forgive betrayal, to be a good samaritan, to lay down my life for my friend, to heal and help others, to see all of you as a part of me - and to be at peace. TO BE GOD LIKE.

And I who thought evil was an outside force, like a constant temptation to avoid - or a "devil" to steer clear of. No,no ... evil is within.

GOD, ME & EVIL.

2000 years ago, I think Jesus tried to tell us the truth about this life, the afterlife - and about God. I also think the truth got distorted, by people back then, who would personally benefit from controlling the masses of people.(religion) Call it the "EGO", call it "Evil", call it whatever you want - it is still our choice. And I believe this choice between good and bad matters entirely when it comes to finishing up this earthly life - and heading into the next.

And that, may be the reason why we are still here in this physical world, in our physical bodies - and not in the world of spirit.

... or maybe I'm wrong


Wishing everyone an awesome weekend! ty for reading.