Do I have what it takes to be a new age guru?

Power over the insanity.

You need to work on it.

What should I do?
Add more fuzzy wuzzyness and talk about how everyone in the world will join hands with the Pleadians and pink bunny''s and sing kumbaya while the bankers are taken off to prison in the background?

Regroup and workshop.

Pretty close....Now all you need to do create a website and hierarchal orders system and institution (which naturally you will be head honcho) and make half prediction and make sure people have to pay for the full BS..and you'd be the real bonified deal LOL.

You forgot a couple of key elements.

Firstly, you must have "secret knowledge" that is made available to them in small, expensive increments. Be sure to give them new "titles" or badges for each level they pay for, with commensurate status perks like sitting closer to you or going on "free" weekend retreats with you.

Secondly, you must create in them the belief that they need to change due to the imperfection of their current state. This is the easy part of your new job.

Thirdly, you should include a class of "worker bees" for your organization so that social stratification and competition for your attention can ensue, and the wealthy contributors will have someone to look down upon.

And lastly, tell them that they need to buy a large tract of pristine land and build you a palatial residence so that you can continue to bless them in a more pure environment where you will all live together in enlightened bliss, (if they donate enough).

Also, you don't radiate nearly enough arrogance and hubris. Just sayin'.

You're overqualified.

your skull must be at least 3/4 the size of david wilcock's