This is the problem I am facing though.

When it happens matters absolutely nothing to me.

I have been living for the past couple of years as though I were already dead, but too lazy or afraid to do the work of dying.

Like a lot of us, I am sure, I have hoped for some sort of doom which involves the possibility of a swift and relatively painless death (environmental, war, whatever), yet I had never even calculated the risk of the possibility of such a pandemic that is occurring in the US.