I need prayer. The prayers of the righteous availeth much, so please, whoever and wherever you are. Help pray for me.

Warning: tl;dr post.

I recently tried to take my life. It was very stupid and selfish of me but I tried to take myself off some very heavy psychiatric medications without tapering off and the withdrawls screwed with my head and my emotions very badly. Life just seemed to be unraveling all around me and I wanted to go home, I wanted to be with my Maker, I wanted off this merry-go-round we call reality.

I survived, obviously, but with some severe repercussions and damage to my body. I'm still in the process of rehabilitating myself and functioning properly. I have heavy damage to my kidneys but they are getting better. At first the doctors weren't sure if I'd need dialysis because it seemed they were shutting down.

I was discharged from the hospital a few weeks ago. My Momma came up from our hometown to see me and I ended up going home with her, despite not having permission to do so legally because I'm bound to a probation sentence and must stay within my county of origin. I called my probation officer and humbled myself and told him everything. He graciously assured me that as long as I'm back in his office by the 7th then I'm not in trouble. He said just rest and recuperate and enjoy your time with your family.

I'm returning to Dallas right now on the Greyhound. It felt like a knife stabbing into my heart to leave my mom. She was in tears and broken hearted because she enjoyed having me home so much and she hates me not being there. She hates knowing I'm going back to Dallas to resume being homeless. That and I hate knowing she is suffering tremendously from the chemotherapy yet having to work to keep a roof over her and my brother's head since she got denied for her disability.

When I return to Dallas I'll be homeless. I've got my entire life in a backpack and a duffle bag. The shelters in Dallas are not terrible and I have a case manager that is going to help secure me a mat over at one of the shelters there. I'll be okay. I've got a little bit of money and determination and faith barely the size of a mustard seed.

If anyone has any suggestions or advice it would be greatly appreciated. I just need prayer. I need to find gainful employment. I need to combat my mental illnesses and disease and poor health and be able to get myself, my heart and my body under control. I need to reign in my unruly mind and chaotic thoughts so that I can have control over myself and my future.

I need God to lead and guide me. My thoughts are not higher than His thoughts. I trust that HE works ALL things for the good for those who love him and are called according to his purposes.

Please pray for direction. Pray for wisdom. Pray for mercy and pray for grace. I need all of these things in a serious way.

Thank you GLP.