My GLP story and why this place has a piece of my heart. Warning: lengthy and personal post ahead | |
InterMezzo
User ID: 45716769 Netherlands 01/01/2018 06:40 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: My GLP story and why this place has a piece of my heart. Warning: lengthy and personal post ahead Selfreflection leads to strenght, belief in yourself and others and being able to overcome whatever you encounter in life, with a wink and a tear. You are absolutely beautiful and make this world a better place. The Dreamer's Dream Somewhere in the universe Far beyond the darkest dark There where stars don't sparkle And the moons don't shine I hide my soul in emptiness And cut the lifeless line Somewhere down the waterfront Far below the deepest deep There where cold gets colder And life is nowhere near I hide my heart in loneliness And cry the tearless tear But somewhere in eternity Far behind the timeless time There where distance dominates And silence rules the word I'll save my soul from endlessnes And fight the hurting hurt For somewhere in the darkest skies There shines my brightest bright And I know I will rise again Make sure my rays will beam I'll soak my heart in happiness And live the dreamer's dream |
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Alpacalips
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SmoothSailing
User ID: 71448021 United States 01/01/2018 06:59 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: My GLP story and why this place has a piece of my heart. Warning: lengthy and personal post ahead "A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murderer is less to fear." Marcus Tullius Cicero |
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Denizen Jong-un
User ID: 76052264 United States 01/01/2018 07:14 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: My GLP story and why this place has a piece of my heart. Warning: lengthy and personal post ahead Good for you and a green too. Now back to drinking rum because that is the therapy I depend on to survive the stupid and infirm. Welcome to the Deplorable States of TRUMP. Papers please? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Death to Ayatollah Ali Khamenei - Death to Iran Death to Kim Jong-un - Death to Democratic People's Republic of Best Korea ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Blab gobble doodle blurb! Fucking obnoxious cretin. What shit hole country did you shit hole people crawl out of? |
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Rampant Fox
User ID: 75983033 Spain 01/01/2018 07:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: My GLP story and why this place has a piece of my heart. Warning: lengthy and personal post ahead It's posts like yours that make glp special. The unexpected that really touches the heart. Thank you and "'The time has come, the walrus said, 'to talk of many things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax. Of cabbages and kings.'" -Lewis Carroll, "The Walrus and the Carpenter" I don't care how bad the storm is. It's better than sitting in a swamp |
justanothergranny
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nutmeg
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WoodRats
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kdog1982
User ID: 72648443 United States 01/01/2018 07:52 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: My GLP story and why this place has a piece of my heart. Warning: lengthy and personal post ahead Awesome story, OP ! Back in 2011 I experienced a similar journey, but much older , in my late 40's. It was on another site. After awhile on there, I slowly discovered my true self. Having been very unhappy with my life, I met this incredible woman through my journey that brought light to my darkness on that site. We are married now, and very happy. There were alot of nay sayers during our journey to the light and happiness that is our life. We proved everyone wrong. Stay strong, stay the course. You will find your way. Peace Second phase in life begins |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 48394323 United Kingdom 01/01/2018 07:55 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: My GLP story and why this place has a piece of my heart. Warning: lengthy and personal post ahead Honestly one of the best posts I've read on here. Much of it resonated with me on a personal level also, having gone through the whole mainstream academia bullshit and feeling that your voice can't be heard. Every day it's a case of biting your tongue, suppressing your true thoughts for fear of sparking backlash from ignorant automatons. It also affected my public speaking abilities- weird huh. I can see the merits of the other poster who pointed out that, to be fair, the world is a pretty fucked up place and it's not beyond the realms of reason to suffer a negative personal reaction to that. "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." But that said, a really thought-provoking post OP, and thanks for sharing. |
X1811
User ID: 74892059 United States 01/01/2018 07:58 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: My GLP story and why this place has a piece of my heart. Warning: lengthy and personal post ahead Great story to put a person behind a member/poster. I share some similarities in your account, but especially the fact I’m about to start teaching in academia and I will not capitulate to the thought police. All characters and events in this forum --even those based on real people-- are entirely fictional. All celebrity comments are impersonated...poorly. The above post contains coarse language and due to the content it should not be viewed by anyone. |
nutmeg
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waterman
User ID: 76053410 United States 01/01/2018 08:09 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: My GLP story and why this place has a piece of my heart. Warning: lengthy and personal post ahead I signed up for an account here on New Year's Day, 2 years ago, and wanted to share my appreciations and insights on what 2 years has been like. Quoting: LucyAnna When I first discovered this forum, I was the unhappiest that I had ever been in my life. It makes sense that I would have gravitated to this forum, as it is one of the rare places where it is completely socially acceptable to express anger, distrust, frustration, loneliness, fantastical metaphor, and a longing for doom. I felt all of those things, and it was a step up in my life to find a place where I could express those things freely. Real life is not so receptive to the expression of deep negative emotion, so finding a place that was, was like therapy for me. It was a funny thing, because I was in graduate school at the time learning to be a therapist. I was surrounded by real therapists every day, and couldn't help but be in an accelerated state of around the clock self-therapy, yet I found that what I needed at that time was here. It started with the doom. My attraction to doom, I can see now, was a manifestation of depression. I truly couldn't see how life was anything but exhausting, and I would feel a subtle relief in the fantasy that something external would come and destroy the paradigm that I felt trapped in. It was like, if catastrophe happened, it would relieve the pressure from my shoulders and transfer it to the collective. I felt trapped in my choices and circumstance and didn't see my way out. In a crazy way, doom felt like relief, and I needed to entertain that possibility to cope with the pressure of the life I had chosen to live. I didn't stay in that thought space very long, and as I started to feel more in control of my circumstances, my attraction to doom faded away. Obviously a long term attraction to doom would be a terrible way to experience life, but for me, in that short time, it was a stair step up from despair to letting go and accepting life for what it was. Then, I was here to find my voice. Living in the academic world, there was a lot of pressure to conform to and fully embrace the mainstream beliefs in a chosen field of study. I (you won't be surprised to hear) have some beliefs that are outside of the mainstream narrative. In my first semester of graduate school, I was in a class about childhood brain development, and at one point the professor said something like "I don't understand how some parents still choose not to vaccinate their children". I spoke up and said something about the potential toxicity of the heavy metals and how they affect the developing immune system, and you would have thought that I had revealed myself as Hitler. I was not prepared for the full on attack that I got from every person in that classroom. The emotional reaction that was directed at me left a mark on my confidence and a hesitation in my voice. I learned right away that it was not okay to oppose the professional consensus, and at the time it was really hard on my sense of developing professional identity. I developed a public speaking anxiety (partially a hold-over from early childhood bullying) and realized I needed to get my voice back FAST. Anyway, posing here helped me express my voice and get very comfortable with opposition. It doesn't matter what is said here, there will be opposition, and that was an awesome thing to get to experience. I learned how to get solid in my beliefs and express them directly and tactfully. I learned how to recognize the elements of emotion behind every statement, and respond to the full intention of a statement rather than just the words. I learned how to not be affected by the emotional reactions of others and to engage in dialog with a calm and focused affect. All of these things that I got to practice here, eventually transferred to my real life. I credit my now ability to speak and handle myself in the face of direct opposition to the stepping stone of these conversations. Finding my confidence in navigating the buffet of perspectives and communication styles posted by all of you was a true training ground in being able to do the same in the face of real people with real immediate emotions. It was exactly what I needed and it changed my life. Then, there was my GLP boyfriend. Not long after creating my account here, i met a guy and started an online relationship. In true GLP fashion, it was the weirdest, yet most growth catalyzing dating experiences of my life. It was both ridiculous and incredible at the same time. A little backstory on where I was coming from. I had been married in my early 20's and then divorced in my mid 20's. I wanted to be the kind of woman who was married early in life, but I had zero tools to actually choose someone who would be good for me. I re-created the exact dysfunctional dynamic that my parents had and it failed, crashed, and burned. By the time I met this guy, I had developed a vague idea of what I wanted, but didn't know the first thing about what it would be like to get that. I didn't trust my relationship choices, I didn't trust other people to make decisions in my best interest, and I was cautious to the point of hyper vigilance. My heart had been broken as a result of my own poor choice and I was determined not to let that happen again. This guy was heartbroken too, as he had been with a woman for something like 7 years, and she had just left him. I was completely aware that I was the rebound, and so put my guard up even higher. It was a mess from the start, but the kind of mess that blows through like a tornado and re-arranges everything. From the start, we were talking to each other around the clock (long distance). He called me first thing in the morning every day, Anytime that I was not in class, we were talking on FaceTime, and we were texting non-stop otherwise. He was a fascinating and intense person. Again, in true GLP fashion, nothing was held back. We talked about our childhoods, our past relationships, our dreams for the future, our crazy world views, and the life we wanted to have together. Even though this part was awesome, the intensity mounted on the other side of the coin too. It was too hard to know someone at that level, but not actually have them in your physical life. We both started to test each other to the point of ridiculousness. We would read the others deep insecurities and push buttons almost to the others breaking point. Eventually we were just poking at each other and it was so irritating it was comical. It was like it was getting so serious so fast, but still felt very artificial because we hadn't actually met in person and established a physical connection. It was all mental and emotional, and got to be so top-heavy, it eventually toppled over. The ending happened in a way that was just as intense and unusual as the whole thing. It was heartbreaking, but in the destruction, it stirred up all of my relationship issues and laid them out in a way that I could see them very clearly. It was a true catalyst to very good things happening for me after that, and I'm not sure any other experience could have given such an immediate result. For that reason alone, I can only be grateful for it. This place has also unexpectedly helped me prop up my niche in my career. Being here was the first time I was exposed to the anger and frustration of men. I had obviously been exposed to the frustrations of women, because I'd spent so much time in Universities and the feminist worldview is such a presence in those places. It showed me the other side of of the coin and opened up the big picture understanding of the modern gender divide and what it means for the society we are navigating. There is a lot of straight up crass emotional volatility from both men and women, and that can be kind of tedious to wade through, but the conversations are happening here, and that's important. A lot of what I do in my professional life now is based in relationships, and having this dual understanding helps me do things that a lot of people in my field can't. A thread here helped me leave a city that I was unhappy living in, and head out into uncharted territory, eventually landing in a place that I love living in and consider to be the true hidden gem of the US. It started with someone suggesting astro cartography, and I took the suggestion and again, it unfolded in a way that changed my life. This place was the true "transitional object" that helped me get from a very tough place in my life to a good place. I don't log in often anymore, mostly because my offline life has gotten more interesting than my online life, and I'm busy doing other things. I still pop in and scroll through sometimes, and am happy to see all of you. In all that it is and all that it does, I appreciate all of you that make up GLP. You are the darkest shadows and the brightest lights, all in one. You are the true collective unconscious, where I always found just what I needed to find. Happy New Year. -Heed the warning or endure the mourning Favor ain't fair |
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Corkygreenstate
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OldWhiteGuy
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Anonymous Coward User ID: 75456840 United States 01/01/2018 09:11 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: My GLP story and why this place has a piece of my heart. Warning: lengthy and personal post ahead I am so happy for you! I get it, totally. I am a 40 something, unhappily married, mom of 3, I have a few friends I can be open with, but I have to put on a mask of false optimism, happiness and lack of knowledge at the kids schools, church, with most family, neighbors and friends. If I didn’t have kids I wouldn’t bother, but they shouldn’t be stigmatized because their dad and I have a bad marriage that affects me tremendously. I slap a smile on and keep moving forward, but it’s nice to know that I can come here and tell the truth, no matter how ugly. Plus, the doom.. I take a sick satisfaction in staying on the cutting edge of doom and discussing it. I think most GLPers are the best. I mostly lurk, comment here and there, but I get knowledge, amusement and camaraderie, here. I enjoyed reading your post. Happy New Years! |
strgzr
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