My mom is a fucking narcissist

Fixed.

An abusive parent or parents is a handicap. Period. It's something one has to cope with all their life. You can play mind games all you want, but sometimes it's just best to write them off. No contact. Unless they make amends. You decide what/ if that is acceptable. Nine times out of ten, he/she will NOT make it up to you. They will NEVER admit they were wrong. Instead they will gaslight you. Say nothing happened; you had a wonderful upbringing, and they were great parents.
So..No contact; to salvage the rest of your life from crazy people/person.
Prove me wrong.

Mine actually did make me homeless. I was working, I wasn't lounging. Then she called the aunt I who invited me to stay with and told her not to take me in. Then she sends a greeting card to my p.o.box. wishing me happiness. Then she finds each and every one of my friends who I had ever introduced her to on social media, told each one I'm homeless, and asked each one to call me to find out where I am and get a status report. Warned them not to say they're calling on her behalf. I disowned her. You can disown yours as well. Some people are just not safe.

You are absolutely spot on.

It's structural and functional brain abnormalities as demonstrated in neuro imaging research. They will not change; so, save yourself.

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Thank you. So nice to hear. I'm a slow learner, I ashamed to say. I don't want to tell you how many decades it took me to learn this. Better late than never? At least I'm there now.

i aint no fuckin clark griswold so you best step off

Awwww...there's the dictatorial-totalitarian trait coming out now that you are presented with truth.

Hallmark.

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Narcissists are most definitely NOT strong. What kind of bullshit is that?
They are INCREDIBLY insecure, which is why they overcorect and act like they're made of teflon, when really they're made of glass.

If she is then check yourself for Borderline Personality Disorder and find a DBT therapist so that you can heal and live happily. Good luck and I would advise going no contact with your Mom.

Oh sure, because women can't possibly be narcissists, right?
Get a fucking grip.

This is true, narcissists are highly insecure, that’s the core problem with them.

OP - check out youtube channel Dr Ramani.

The piss off, fucking moron. Those who have endured this kind of abuse know it when they see it, and it fucks them for life.

My sister was a narcissist. She was older and a foot taller, so yeah, I was weak. We shared a room until I was 16. After that, we were not close. She wanted the best for herself and would lie and cheat to get it. She was stubborn as a mule. It is hard to deal with someone like that.

I learned to fight with words, but I regret my unkindness towards her. It took me a year to get over my anger towards her after her death. Yes, she reached out her claws to scratch me even after death. I struggle to see what goodness was in her.

I see my friends who have good relationships with their sisters. I wish we could have been like that. Yes, some of that was my fault as well as hers.

I was physically the weaker, but to survive made me strong.

She took the role of mother to me when we were children.I was her bitch until I realized, I didn't have to ride my bike to the store when shhe told me to go get her something. I didn't have to turn the tv channel for her. I served her because I was obedient not weak, because I do not mind serving others. When I quit doing what she told me to do, is when our relationship ended. When she could no longer control me, our relationship ended. When I was no longer of use to her, she had no use for me. It took me 60 years to realize that.

No, what bothered me was that I was the one who always gave and she never gave back.

Yep. You have described classic NPD. There is little to no reciprocity unless doing so serves them in some way, and that includes keeping the false public persona propped up.

They are stuck-in'toddler arrested psychosocial and emotional development whereby they never advanced out of their ego-centric worldview. They are to be served not to serve, and they are the origin of totalitarian dictators.

What two year old do you know who thinks about the feelings of others? Who thinks about doing for others unless you are providing for them? Who is not entitled? Who accepts personal responsibility for actions and shows remorse? Who engages in conflict resolution using higher executive functioning rather than temper tantrums and, worse, attacks? Who recognizes and respects others as independent, autonomous beings?

Emotionally, they operate from the mid- and lower parts of the brain. Arrested development during critical brain development years.

My brother is the same, and he passed the genes and the behavior to his children.

So sorry you had this life path with your sibling.


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"Narcissist" is such a terribly overused term these days that it has lost its meaning. Genetic narcissism is extremely rare. It's like the term now applies to anyone who doesn't do what the other person wants now. Having said that, social media has created a form of ego-based conditioned/learned behavior that resembles narcissism, especially in females.

My dad was a diagnosed narcissist, his flying monkeys were all of his relatives who'd scramble around for crumbs he'd dole out. You either participated in the worship or you became the whipping boy. I grew up as a whipping boy and he continued trying to punish me even up to his dramatic deathbed scene at the hospital replete with relatives wailing in the halls being asked to leave by staff.

Stay as far away as you can. I learned don't even go back for the funeral - I avoided a nasty drama he had planned out for me. Yes, really. They're that sick. They always want the last word.

While people misuse the term just as they do "PTSD", clinical NPD is not "extremely rare"; unless, of course, you are protecting the very old and unsupported numbers used by the very unethical APA desperately trying to hold on to their failed industry, theories and practices.

As previously shared in this thread:

You are quite misinformed. One of the leading researchers and clinicians in the US who has spent three decades studying the disorder, Ramani Durvasula, PhD, states her research demonstrates 20% of the population meet the diagnostic criteria of NPD and rising with another 5% who will never be counted.

I have three in my family: father, brother and nephew, who is actually ASPD with narc traits. It's genetic and then epigenetic.

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100% truth right there. ^^^

The similar stories I could share but simply am not willing to devote the energy to recognizing such darkness and evil.

Your advice is spot on. Do not go back. Do not fall for the exploitative 'poor me' stories, the attempts at guilt, even the very false apologies. It's all a fucking setup to gain at your expense. Always. They do not change. Not even in old age or illness. It's the way their brains are permanently wired.

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ptsd is a made up term for weak minded people

if you get it from war its because they don't allow you to drink alcohol while in battle

Does she know you're on the computer again. Now you're fucked, no more Captain Crunch for you.

Grow up
and shut up.

Yup. I think something happens to women as they get older…

As a woman myself, I’ve always had issues with middle-aged Karen types… never anticipated my own mother becoming one.

Or maybe she was always that way? I think we wear the rose-coloured spectacles for much of our life- never dreaming to suspect that our own mother may not like us, harbour deep-seated resentments, not want the best for us…

It was a bit of an awakening for me. When I reflected back on my childhood, key milestones such as graduation etc- I realised… she’d never been there. Then I tried to remember a time that I’d been cuddled, or told that I was loved? Noped out on that one too. Obviously a different generation but when you’ve had your own children, it makes you reflect on how you were treated as a child.

I’ve grown to thoroughly dislike my mother, unfortunately. So many family events that she’s ruined with her narcissistic outbursts and unreasonable behaviour… at some point- enough becomes enough.

I feel bad for her, but ultimately you have to protect yourself. She damaged my mental health. Never apologises or takes responsibility for anything and used me as an emotional dumping ground for years on end- for no thanks, I might add.

So I’m out. They have the emotional maturity of toddlers.

Hmmmm. Well, except that PTSD is evidenced physical brain injury and physiological processes, so your hypothesis is, well, crap.

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Dang!! These stories make my head spin!
I am so sorry for you and your fuc*Ed up sister. Mostly sorry for you, that is was like that. That she was like that.
My sisters are my best friends that I could ever have. Just like my mom told me when we were little and fighting amongst ourselves. "Your sisters will one day be your best friends. You'll see".

My mom was right. Yes we have had fights and spats but there nothing I would not do for them. Nothing I wouldn't give up for them. They were always in my corner, always. Even when I fu**Ed up bigly and deserved to be disowned.
I don't always agree with them or their lifestyle choices but would fight to the death for them. Or die for them.

I'm sorry you did not (all of you) did not experience this kind of joy in your life.

Really I am. No one can get you like your siblings can because they experienced mostly the same things as you.

She didn't become one as an adult. She's been that way since she was a small child.

You are only realizing the situation now.

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RIP Mom.
My mother voted for obami, not because he would be good for the country, but because she thought it would make race relations better. Can you believe that? To make race relations better!!


She later told me she wished she hadn't.
But what's done is done.

See how a multiracial society works?
I forgave her because she was my mom and VERY RARELY fu*ked up.

I miss her very much.

That goes for their flying monkeys too. Avoid the flying monkeys, if they're around they'll tell the narcissist what you're up to. Help them keep the drama going. As a teen my dad hit me with his car on purpose, lied about it, said it didn't happen. So I had to deal with that, and then all of his relatives coming to me and tell me that I was a liar. Even my co-dependant mother. He got to hurt me, and got his entire family to hate me for "lying" when I was the only truth teller in the bunch.

Fuck them. Run and don't look back. Not ever.

That's bad. Going against your wishes of what your children eat. My mom would not have done that and neither would I.

I babysit a niece and they are strict too on what the child eats. After the kid knows you are not a pushover they quit asking.
Now honestly, I have allowed the kid one piece of candy or 1 slice of cake. But I always tell on myself and don't do it all the time. I want the kid to eat healthy too.

Oh well.