Unfortunately Kate, that is because you are a law person.
Christians call them legalists or j_daizers.

"But some men came down from Judea and were teaching the brothers, “Unless you are cir___cised according to the custom of Moses, you cannot be saved."
And after Paul and Barnabas had no small dissension and debate with them, Paul and Barnabas and some of the others were appointed to go up to Jerusalem to the apostles and the elders about this question.”

I'll try to go easy on you, because you are a new 'seeker'.
I don't call you a christian, because by your own admission you are not christian.

It is common for a newbie to be 'gung-ho' for the commandments and for God. You are not mature enough for meat, so you substitute the energy of your flesh obeying words written on cold stone for the lifegiving spirit of God within you.

You have yet to discover that the Law is a curse.

"For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them.”

Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree"


By your admission, you are not christian. Therefore you do not believe the Gospel - The death, burial and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

You are left with obedience to the Law for your righteouness; you have stumbled over the stumbling stone and the rock of offense.

"What shall we say then? That Gentiles, who did not pursue righteousness, have attained to righteousness, even the righteousness of faith; but Israel, pursuing the law of righteousness, has not attained to the law of righteousness.
Why? Because they did not seek it by faith, but as it were, by the works of the law. For they stumbled at that stumbling stone.
As it is written:

“Behold, I lay in Zion a stumbling stone and rock of offense,
And whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame."