China has captured EAT -- this is not a drill

EAT, please let us know if you are safe. Are they feeding you?

Well when you know when you're gonna detonate an underground nuke you can call the shots so there's that.

Is EAT even still around?

Have not seen his threads in ages!

Or maybe, the Chinese system *is* EAT!

That's because he has been captured and pumped thoroughly for his knowledge.

That's sounds great, is it for sale on eBay? If so how much for Express EMS Shipping to US?

Uncle intel reports that EAT broke free of his Chinese finger trap and is currently tunneling a brave escape directly through the Ring of Fire.

A1 News believes this new development will enhance the accuracy of EAT's earthquake projections by 2018%

He must be holding out otherwise they'd have it down to 72 hours.

Boy, are they ever in for a surprise if they go to harvest his brain.

LOL.

Maybe the good folks in Hawaii should go check that hill that's on fire, EAT may pop up there someplace.

I'm doing ok. I did some king-fu moves and escaped Chinese captivity. They wanted to know how to interpret my earthquake data but I did not say anything.
-EAT

"The real-time audio-failing generated from sensors will help the public forecast earthquakes of magnitudes above 5.0 as easily as face-touching a meteorological cloud image," the Global Times said, citing scientists.

wow they really have him....

Yours must have been from venus or something else

EAT will predict his way out of it

This is very encouraging news, EAT, especially that you still have internet access for GLP. Have you plugged your computer into one of the undersea cables?

We all knew you wouldn't say anything to the Chinese, because your loyalty is obviously keeping the world safe. Gosh, even if you did talk, they would still need to have a Nibiru-decoder to understand your raw earthquake data. So fortunately there is still time, but of course you would know how much time.

lol they hooked him up to some sort of intelligence gathering device, like the NSA did to Santa in South Park.

:threadrocks:

Only a Canuck could brave bamboo shoots under their finger nails.

Good job. EAT for PM!

Last seen passing the Big Island of Hawaii.......

Sadly, according to reporter Beren S. Mandela, new leaks are showing the Chinese government probed EAT and extracted some of his most precious secrets:
- if three 6s appear on a seismograph, then a major EQ will strike before the next holiday in Israel
- Robert Zemeckis is one of only four Americans who can trigger HAARP remotely from his wrist watch
- ocean buoys are often unreliable or holograms, but when you track the flight of seagulls around them you can still get accurate ocean height readings.

Would explain his silence on the recent events in Hawaii, not like him.

Wow, they gave EAT a house and feed him and record him constantly

BREAKING NEWS today from HRYK Special Reports: minutes before escaping Chinese captivity, our dear and loyal friend EAT managed to lodge his own homespun virus deep within the foreign mind probing computers that were slowly extracting his valuable methodologies.

M. Freeman, a trusted HRYK analyst in America, has confirmed the virus is already mimicking EAT's predictions in ways undetectable to most humans. Indeed, Freeman confirmed that only 3% of those polled on GLP (incidentally also the percentage of those claiming to be the aNomAly) could decipher which of the following predictions came from EAT versus the virus mimicking him:

(1) Dudesz, this as being confirmed: 9 days after Hawaii erupts, Cali will hang 10.0

(2) Tsunami ALERT imminent for Pacific Cascadia - 72 hour countdown begans at Royal weeding

(2) sounds more like EAT but... Royal weeding?

Awesome

suspicious observer taught them everything they know :P

That's because he has been captured and pumped thoroughly for his knowledge.

Like the black dude in pulp fiction?

Here, take a cookie... o ... I promise by the time you're done eating it, you'll feel right as rain.

You're wright too, it does say Royal weeding. The depth of such words are perhaps matched only by the depth of the EQs that EAT consistently protects us from.

Interesting news from China; your thread title is satirical; but I wonder when they will actually start rounding up certain individuals?

I know it's already sort of happening but I mean on a large scale.