What’s a polite way to tell someone it’s time to get the fuck out of your house?

Excuse yourself for a moment and come back with your pajamas on?

"I feel bad stomach cramps. You wont want to be here when I erupt!"

it's been great, time for you to go!

hope to see you soon! here's your coat

watch out for the door on your way out

Winners!

Are you renting or is this person friend/family?

If the former give them the legally required notice, if the latter it probably depends on a bunch of things you're not telling us.

The one thing you shouldn't do is engage in a campaign of "signalling" and "messaging" your current displeasure through various tantrums and unarticulated outbursts. Plain English is almost always the best course of action unless you're looking to escalate things.

Last Edited by JustinKGunther on 04/19/2021 09:39 PM

I just open the last beer they always leave after that

Get the fuck outta my house ya freeloading smelly cunts.

In Aus thats polite.

Your grandpa had a perfect line. I’m going to borrow it.

If I had to guess, he probably also got up at the same time or moved towards the door. It’s important to pair an action with the words to encourage movement.

This is one of the areas I don't have a polite way to ask friends or family to leave, so this is exactly why I quit letting people stay in my house years ago.

The encounter to ask them to leave always turned uncomfortable, unfortunately, so many years ago I decided that my home was my private dwelling and nobody is allowed to stay here.

Please get the fuck out of my house

I'm sorry but you need find someone else to prey upon.

My turn is finished.

Take a dump in their bed, works every single time.

get a broom and a cloth, light a little bit of carbon in a room, quickly snuff the carbon after you light it you only need a modest amount of smoke, let the broom drop on floor then get the cloth and wave it around drop it on the broom the smoke will disperse

In 5 minutes the people will want to leave the house as if by magic, and trust me it will work without them noticing they been pushed out

Tell them that your mother in law in coming over and she's in a bitchy mood, so they need to clear out right away.

I don't let ANYBODY inside my house any more. Not even to use the bathroom.

Problem solved!

You sat "Theres the door,use it ,and dont let it hit you in the arse on the way out".

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

If it is family you have to be more careful because you may have a need for shelter some day even though that seems like an impossibility.

If it’s just an evening visitor tell them you have to get up at 5am, but that you free until 8pm.

If it non-family multi day visitor(s) then tell them you have a couple days but after that you are busy.

My dad would say, come back when you can't stay so long

I play dead.

You should run for political office. You'd fit right in.

It's all about having enough self respect so that you don't let other people walk all over you.

Or borrow my 4 year old nephews line when guests were still hanging around late one night.

He tapped the guy on the shoulder and said, "Time for you to go, dummy".

Quick and to the point!

Start turning the lights out.

Hah. That’s exactly right. Thanks everybody. I enjoyed the hell out of the replies on my first post.

Yeah this might have been in simpler times when a neighbor or friend would just drop by, likes 1950s Americana.

Let all the dogs back in!