George Noory

)o( <————Jorch before his Grindr date.

)O( <————Jorch after his Grindr date.

Jorch went surfing on the forehead wrinkles of Scott Bakula’s character on NCIS N’awwwwlins.

Narry always has these self help people on but his show never gets better.

Jorch once considered moving to Canada and -- as he put it -- "get heavily involved with law enforcement."

Apparently, he misunderstood the meaning of "mounted police"....






And tried to mount several....

Tonight on C2C, Jorch interviews Big Tahhmm Dudehoser on the importance of "whistleblowing".

Tomorrow they'll discuss the Trump/Ukraine/impeachment crisis....

TAHMMY: Hey George, welcome back! How was your vacation in England?

JORCH: It was fantastic! I drove on the left side of the road; I drank tea in the afternoon; I even puffed on a faag.

TAHMMY: Wow, you really went native. But I didn’t know you smoked?

JORCH: I don’t... But the faag I puffed did after I was done with him.

Jorch thinks a “lay line” is a bunch of guys waiting their turn at an orgy.

Jorch has the words Area 51 tattooed just above his doopa.

Every night after the show he invites people from all over the US to enter it forcefully....

Jorch isn't concerned about the rapid ratings' slide of C2C.

In fact he's pumped.

Seems the bosses at Premier Networks told him if his numbers got any lower.... they'd pull him off.

Jorch can't wait....

Jorch’s neighbor sees him struggling with several bags of groceries after a big shopping and asks, “Can I help you with your load?”

Jorch responds, “That’d be wonderful, but first can you help me carry in these grocery bags?”

Jorch has a tramp stamp just above his asscrack that says Eingang with an arrow pointing down. Before engaging in unspeakable acts of debauchery, Jorch shaves his lower back so it’s legible.

Before going out on the town on Friday night, Jorch puts lipstick on his sphincter.

You know how Jorch tells the story about how he started out in college studying dentistry?

What he doesn’t tell is how that dream of being a dentist came to an abrupt end...

Jorch’s very first patient was in to have his wisdom teeth extracted. Before surgery the patient asked for “some gas”. Jorch obliged immediately by straddingly the man’s face and farting in his mouth before 3 dental hygienists pulled him off.

Jorch has the famous newspaper headline “Roswell Army Air Force Captures Flying Saucer” tattooed on his scrotum.

The next day after his scrotum swells up like a weather balloon, Jorch is forced to write a retraction.

After a less than distinguished career in the Navy, Jorch nevertheless maintains a keen interest in all things "salty".

In fact, he and Tahhmmee Dudehoister are thinking about buying a boat.

Big Tahhmmeeee would like a 180-metre superyacht.

Jorch wants a tug....

There’s a full Hunter (Biden) Moon...

Will Joe call NASA and pressure them to stop investigating our planet’s only natural satellite?

Joerge wears tampons in his armpits.

On a recent trip to Ireland.


Ok George all you have to do it lay on your back and kiss it!

....says TommyD


A hesitant $Noory says as he lays back.....

O.K. but after this can we visit the Blarney Stone?

Priest to Georgie- " I have a special challenge for you"

George- " of course, sure"

Priest - " bend over and spell run "

George - " run like chasing a ball ? "

Priest - 'exactly George, you're very bright"

Noory thinks Solar Flare is a Pro Wrestler

$noory " Boy! what a great weekend ! Tahhmmy and I visited Yellowstone. YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE,now high that thing squirts in the air!"

Caller " You mean old faithful ?"

$noory " What is that ?"

Caller " A geyser "

$noory" OH they have those at Yellowstone?"

Caller" Yes that is why people go there. Didn't"....<click>

$noory" East of the rockies"............"

15 minutes to airtime and Tahmmy is helping George try to poop out a butt plug that got away.

It's magic at Premiere Networks....

After binge watching "Cake Fart" YouTube videos, Tommy mounts George's face like a barstool, his huge Christmas ham smashed down on George's mouth, mustache, nose and eyes, and he mean-grunts out the sharpest, loudest, wettest, most odiferous ripper square on Noory's grill. Within seconds, a bulge rises in Noory's Adidas sweatpants.

Prediction

George Ralph Noori will die of peritonitis from a ruptured colon.

A disheveled and spattered Tom Danheiser will read a statement:

"On November --, 2017, George Noori passed away following a gardening accident.
He was trying his garden gnomes in new positions when he slipped and hurt himself.
I rushed to his assistance, but it was dartk, and a spark from my bic lighter ignited methane gas and an explosion occurred.
George Ralph Noori will be missed."

I love Gordon Lightfoot!

The Wreck of the Paranormal Radio

The legend lives on
From the internet on down
Of the great show
They called Coast To Coast

Art Bell it was said
Even talked to the dead
When the witch
Paglini came callin'

With a load of bad news
Art took time to snooze
And passed off the show
To a few others

But the good show and crew
Were a bone to chewed
When the asslick
no name came crawlin'

The show had been the pride
Of the American side
Coming in with15 million
Listeners nightly!

As radio shows go
It was bigger than most
With a good host and
Crew well seasoned

Concluding some terms
To work weekends and more
Art passed the reigns off
To replacements
And late at night when the ratings dived
Was it the sloth of no name they'd been feelin'?

George Noori: Wow, that thing really shot off tonight. Higher than ever. What an explosion! <pause> Oh, and did anyone see the ICBM missile launch earlier tonight?

Remember when he used to ask "Do you think he will come on the show?"
Like it would be a good career move.
Every time someone mentioned a famous person.
He had a thing for Shirley Jones (Mom on Partridge Family).
In the end he just jacked off to Linda Moulton Howe.

GUEST: "In the 1970s, Uzbekistan was a hotbed for UFO activity. Then it seemed to moved north into Kazakhstan. There were even reports of flying discus in Kyrgyzstan."

GEORGE: "That's incredible. Were there any UFO sightings in the former USSR?"

GUEST: <silence -- thinking his English translation of George'scomment must be in error>

GEORGE: "Are you still there, Paul?"

GUEST: "Uh...yes. I was just...thinking..."

<awkward silence>

GEORGE: "To the Maxwell Smart shoe phone we go!"

Coming up in the 2nd half of the show we're gonna have a guest on about a one armed German speaking man from the Alps....


And then we'll talk about Billy Meier!!!!!!

All George's socks are crunchy and crusty, standing at attention against the wall, awaiting their next "mission" (squirt! squirt!).