ELECTRIC LOVE- Night Traveler

yep, she is definitely the op! lol

ive never watched any x-men, i literally never understand any pop culture references, unless it is a literary reference

i wouldn't expect a psychologist with a "sixth sense" to say anything else! lol

my dad did send me to private acting lessons as a teenager where i would rehearse soliloquies for 3 hours every afternoon

yes, 946

that bait is just not worth a second look! soliloquy really didn't like you much! got any other rabbits to pull out of the hat! lol

the person that performed soliloguy alchemy wedding really left him stick in a bad place! lol

oh look!... it's shroom oclock!

i swim 3 miles every day of my life, but on 9/17/19 i had another really bad bike accident. i lost function of my right arm, and then had a TIA due to vascular complications from the injury, almost needed to get my right hand amputated as i then developed a severe compartment syndrome. it's been a really rough go, but worst of all i will never be able to swim like i used to.

after having a severe bike accident once, you never expect that to be something you have to go through a 2nd time.

i was wearing a helmet on 8/2/10 and on 9/17/19 so i get extremely emotional when i see ppl bike without helmets

an old man almost punched me yesterday when i yelled out to him to put a helmet on. he got so pissed. i don't go on a soap box, but when it comes to wearing a helmet while biking i will preach.

the endless swimming pool is no joke.

i'm pretty sure if i'm ever submerged wuthin one i'll never be able to disengage myself from the currents.

don't shatter my hopes, this isn't just some weird dream that i had.

i was a ghost hunter, endlessly chasing my own tail into oblivion

talk about being blinded by the light

my head was so far up my ass, that you couldn't even tell my head was my ass

it just looked like my head

the darkness is so bright it will blind you

a satchel full of post-apocalyptic mail

no longer a federal offense

that means pick your prize

we're more the same than we are different, right?

i once got locked out of the island, all the other girls were safe, but i didn't make it, so i had to swim forever. im still swimming right now, but when i go in the pool i get teleported to that time stream....where i'm still swimming, but there's no land anywhere, so i just have to keep going. if someone says i'm graceful in the water, i will say it is only because i've been doing it literally forever. i think because i have an autistic processor it allows me to get into flow easier.

i swim a lot in my dreams, but they always drain the water out of the pool as i swim because they say my time is up

in my timeline, Hitler was a famous painter who died in the crash of the Titanic

but the the Nazis from another timeline, cloned him, and sent him back to my first timeline

so they could still set up their moon base, on the moons twin (which is the asteroid Ceres)

(in my OTL (original timeline) Ceres left earth's orbit in the 1960's. it was actually not a moon.

July 23, 2012 killshot solar flare. (in this timeline it narrowly missed earth)

jumping way forward in time to December 2013 the Chinese moon rover Jade Rabbit, made an extraordinary discovery that changed humanity's understanding of who they are and where they came from,

but the adjustment was far too much for the human psyche, and immediately erased.

the lynch pin that set this branch that (i am) on for this timeline - was the death of Ariel Sharon and then the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines MH370.

i killed madre legendary

for years, I suffered from Night Terrors. if you don't know what a night terror is, make no mistake, this is not just a nightmare. i have never encountered anything more terrifying in my life. the sensation is whatever lies beyond terror, beyond your worst fear. take your worst fear, and go beyond this, this is what a Night Terror is to me.

i have always lived by myself as an adult, so I did not know that I was having them.

i kept waking up with very raw vocal chords, bruising and cuts on me, and sometimes my neighbor would ask me if everything was alright, because they could hear blood curdling screaming in the night.

then, someone witnessed me having a night terror, i sat upright in bed, my eyes shot open, and I let out a murderous scream as my arms and legs flailed around. the person I was with could not wake me up, they threw me into a heavy curtain to cocoon me and, i fell back to normal asleep.

now that I knew I was having night terrors, i could always tell the next morning i had had one.

it wasn't only the raw vocal chords, but this lingering evil that I could feel hanging around my body. even with a broken hand and cat bite wounds on my face and arm i didn't wake up.

the worst night terror of my life was on the night of 3/10/2011.

i ran into a wall,

i broke my hand from flailing,

my cat tore through me and bit my face because i believe she could see whatever it was i was seeing and was trying to protect me. for days after a night terror my cats would come nowhere near me and hiss at me.

through all these experiences, i never became fully conscious enough to fully awake. even with a broken hand and cat bite wounds to arm and face i stayed "asleep"

then one night, I had a dream, where I was taken on board an alien craft,they flew me away from earth. we could just see earth, as this tiny blue dot, and the beings on board the ship told me that I would no longer have night terrors.

the medical doctors diagnosed me with nocturnal epilepsy, i guess they don't believe in demons

undoubtedly your 2010 bike accident has caused your tonic-clonic seizures. there is little short of a miracle that can be done. you probably are aware of the triggers and the root cause of lesions that cause the misfirings.

is occipital neuralgia a factor?

i couldn't work for 5 years bc my headaches were so blinding

im able to manage them now with alternative therapies

pain means nothing to me, i don't ever even take advil

i enjoy feeling pain bc i feel nothing else

under a russian experiment they were drug induced to stay awake for weeks. they became zombie like and experienced a devolution becoming sub human in their behavior! if I recall properly, the recovery rate was zero! lol

feeling pain is the only thing that's real to me that's why sometimes i punch and hit myself till i bruise

i tried cutting off my pinky earlier, i don't have a sharp enough knife, i couldnt even feel it

well, i cant be anymore zombie than i already am!

your ability to focus seems to be unimpaired. you mentioned earlier that you have eliminated anything that brings you joy. how does this help in stress reduction? lol

how do you wish me to proceed? lol

when was the last time you felt comfortable prior to sleeping?

i had years of cognitive therapy to repair my attention

i don't feel stress, or i don't recognize it

i made very bad decisions today

i will be punishing myself for a long time as a result

make me have never existed, all my experiences erased, i am a mistake

can't recall, i had horrible nightmares as a kid, i am damned

i was born damned:

When I was little, about five or six years old I used to have a lot of nightmares. It seemed as if every time my mind drifted into that deep unconscious state of sleep it found a place amongst all my deepest fears. Hardly did I ever dream about prancing through fields of golden dew ridden flowers with the “My Little Pony” crew. In its sleeping state my mind wandered among the land of ferocious flesh feasting beasts and mind raping terrors.

Often awakening in a teeth-clenching and blankets pulled over my head state drowning in a heavy salty sweat I would start screaming in my most murderous scream for my mom.


“MMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO​OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO​OOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!”


I would scream her name out as loud as I possibly could hoping that if all the gory blood soaked monsters heard me yelling her name they would back off knowing that someone was coming to my rescue. I would squeeze my eyes shut as tight as possible thinking that all thoughts would stop entering my mind if they were closed tight enough. I would do so until I heard my bedroom door make its familiar old creak. Then, ever so carefully I would slowly unclench my teeth and open my salty tear filled eyes as my mom flicked on the light switch. She would gently ask, “What’s wrong, H?”

I would never tell her what was wrong though. I would just look at her recognizable face, stare into her ocean blue eyes, release the gallons of air I had been holding up in my lungs, and just say, “I love you mom.”

And she would say, “Is that all you wanted?”

I always happily and enthusiastically nodded my head and went back to sleep just like that. Seeing her smiling face was all the reassurance I needed to banish the ferocious mind raping beasts back to the deep dark forbidden corners of my mind. And they wouldn’t return, for that night at least, because I would drift back to sleep with my mom’s fabulous smiling face on my mind.