help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble

I honestly believe the reason why conflicts between women in families go on for so long is because women don't just fight it out with fists. I know I've been in several brawls with family members ,mostly cousins and my brother, but we all get along now.

So many opinions- see how different people view things completely different from one another. Your sons age is a tough age and he will go through lot sod changes and "get thicker hide." Meanwhile, enjoy him while he still shows his emotions and before society throws all their thoughts on how he should be or react... Your sister's email shows she is well spoken, I will give her that, but her reactions to situations show she is ignorant. Don't waste your time too much thinking on all this. She acted rudely and her daughter is insensitive- I wouldn't want my kids around them. Just be a good parent and you and your husband live a happy life. Don't worry about her and her daughter- life is too short. xo

* a lot of changes*- not sod changes- ha!

Agreed. Your husband should have stayed out of it. The part in his letter about "I pray that God will open your heart", is like begging... "will you please apologize?", And the part about "That you will be forgiven". This is condescending.

He was asking for a tart response, I probably would have answered in a similar way.

I'm wondering what you did to teach your son something about this incident. Like how to handle it in the future. You had the opportunity for a teaching moment.. did you use it?

I did not read your post.

But:

1. If you are white.
2. Head of household
3. Even breathing and walking around,
4. occasional nap there

Get the fuck out.

Run, motherfucker.

Run.

as a white man, less than above, you better be

mexican, perhaps illegal

otherwise you guaranteed

time

OP why were you there in the first place? My family fights like this all the time. They bitch about each other and talk about each other behind their backs. They are miserable when they get together for the holidays.

I decided years ago to not do holidays or other family events. I don't have to pretend like I am having a good time, I dont have to listen to their shit. They can talk about me all they want, I don't give a fuck. I am happier and spend the holidays with friends and people I enjoy.

Put a 2-day limit on all visits if you choose to continue and always make sure you have your own transportation to leave whenever you want. Crazy families crank it up when they know you are trapped.

Sorry about your sister but this fit so aptly.. I couldnt resist

Your sisters needed more ass cuttings as a kid.

Cheez wiz

I kind of agree that he should have stayed out of it but he was abused as a kid and the adults in his life made bad choices about it. When we got married he told me the one thing he wanted above all else was to be the kind of husband and Dad his family never had to question if he was in their corner. I think after hearing me cry and that Nic was hurt his hackles went up. They used to be on good terms but when he stopped helping her with $$ that changed.

Also I think he was sincere with the God stuff (well I know he was) but I also know he knew that would send her over the edge so it was perhaps a bit ill advised. She hates Christians but she is catholic.

We tried to teach from it - and part of why I'm here tonight is to find out what better I can teach us both from it, even if I get a ton of red for it.

Last Edited by julesvm on 08/30/2014 12:27 AM

Honest Opinion, you say? How can I resist!
*Cracks Knuckles*

Shall we begin?



I need a long story, not a short one.
And don't worry, you could both be nuts.



Read elsewhere that your son was 12.5 yrs old. I am not one to tell you how to raise your children, but crying in a boy is often seen as weakness. Preditor type individuals will enjoy attacking when they spy weakness. You should talk to him about how the world is not fair and that he needs to hide his emotions. (yes, yes, that's not PC. It's still true.) Even at 12, he needs to learn this survival skill.




10 minutes? That's a long time. I need details.

However, if she said that, yes, that is rude. It is called the "Not-apology" apology. It's a game passive-agressives play. I would have called her out on it as well.



You're a big girl. Your husband should not hide things from you. Furthermore, she is your sister, is she not? I would establish rules for him dealing with your side of the family in the future.



Okay, first of all, He should have asked her what happened. he only made accusations. I understand his need to support you, but one needs to establish facts.

Stating feelings is fine.

Making excuses for your son is not.

Listing off all your problems will not make someone who is a predator feel sorry for you. it will only encourage them to attack.



Interesting. She doesn't ACTUALLY state that she didn't do it. She merely IMPLIES that she did. She hints he couldn't know what's going on because he wasn't there (which is true), but does not actually say he's wrong.

Furthermore, "subsequent judgement speak volumes". Yes, I will agree he rushed to judgement. However, to point it out like this is to attempt to make your husband feel like his judgement is faulty. Why attempt to undermine his confidance?




Ah. She starts off playing the "Brother-IN-LAW" card. She is basically saying, "You are not part of this family." Now, bringing that up is basically a way of trying to push him away and out of the conversation entirely. Another attempt to deflect from the matter at hand, the accusation itself.

Now the "some effect which eludes me" part. She knows exactly why the email is sent. This sort of willful ignorance is a backdoor attempt to insult your husband. "You make no sense", would be the translation.

The questioning of intentions is, again, an insult. And the "grasp on reality" is also an insult. However, the deeper question is: WHY?

ANSWER: She is attempting to derail the conversation in order to turn it into an argument, not a discussion about her behavior.



Again, more insults. More importantly, however, here we have the real intent of the email: "Please keep your opinions to yourself". She does not want your husband involved in her family dynamics!

So, I would imagine that she wants to push your husband away because she does not want YOU to have any allies or emotional support. This email is nothing more then an attempt to push the "in-law" out of a family dynamic that your sister already understands and (I assume) can control to her benefit. Your husband is a danger to her.



As I said, pointing out problems you are having does not provoke sympathy. It only provokes the predator to attack. This statement is dripping with sarcasm. Notice the "so desperately" part. That is to point out that your family is desperate, pathetic and worthless. This statement has nothing in it but venom.



I detect no sincerity in any part of this email



You and your sister have been having problems long before this incident. I suspect that your sister has been preying on you for years. I am proud of you for finally standing up for your son. I suspect you should have stood up for yourself a long time ago.

Does your side of the family have anything to hold over you? Some sort of huge inheritance? To you stand to make a whole bunch of money if you stay friendly?

If so, Lie. Lie like a rug. Apologize for your husband and make whatever excuses you have to to make things up to your sister. Tell your mother it was "that time of the month" and you've been having hot flashes. Whatever. Just smooth things over.

Then... become busy. Cancel plans at the last minute. "Oh, we SO wish we could come for Christmas, REALLY, but you know how the job situation is. I just can't make it! LOVE you!" When they want to come visit, keep putting it off. Just keep making excuses and never see them again.

You cannot fix her. You cannot change her. She is poison for you, your son and your family. Every time you see her, you should make small talk about the most trite details, NEVER share ANYTHING personal. NEVER reveal any weakness to this person. EVER.

If they have nothing to offer you, money-wise, Fuck'em.

Your mother is also part of the problem. She's an enabler. You need to avoid her as well. Maybe in 5 or 10 years you can start talking to them again, AFTER you and your husband have established yourselves as a family. You need to develop your own identity. I suspect that you don't have much of one.

Too funny! Thanks I laughed...

Always get even, never forget. Do not say you are sorry for righting a wrong. Fight with actions not words, make the bitch pay.

This is the LAST thing you want to do. This is your SISTER'S game.

I'm really thin skinned too. I've found the best way to get over something like this is to get even. Drive back there with Ted and Nicolas, each of you take a member of your sister's family, and beat the hell out of them.

Act like you wanna make up. Then--you need to have a signal that you've talked about before hand--and on that mark, sucker punch Clare, her daughter, and anybody else who needs a beat down. Don't stop hitting them until they stop moving.

Urinate on their faces, then leave.

There are probably a lot of people that know your sis, and they have already cut her off of all communications. She probably treated her husband the same way she treats you...Hence, the divorce.

forget that cunt and her daughter

November 20, 1857, I was shown the people of God, and saw them mightily shaken. Some, with strong faith and agonizing cries, were pleading with God. Their countenances were pale, and marked with deep anxiety, expressive of their internal struggle. Firmness and great earnestness were expressed in their countenances, while large drops of perspiration fell from their foreheads. Now and then their faces would light up with the marks of God’s approbation, and again the same solemn, earnest, anxious look would settle upon them.

Evil angels crowded around them, pressing their darkness upon them, to shut out Jesus from their view, that their eyes might be drawn to the darkness that surrounded them, and they distrust God and next murmur against Him. Their only safety was in keeping their eyes directed upward. Angels of God had charge over His people, and as the poisonous atmosphere from the evil angels was pressed around these anxious ones, the heavenly angels were continually wafting their wings over them, to scatter the thick darkness.

Some, I saw, did not participate in this work of agonizing and pleading. They seemed indifferent and careless. They were not resisting the darkness around them, and it shut them in like a thick cloud. The angels of God left these, and I saw them hastening to the assistance of those who were struggling with all their energies to resist the evil angels, and trying to help themselves by calling upon God with perseverance. But the angels left those who made no effort to help themselves, and I lost sight of them. As the praying ones continued their earnest cries, a ray of light from Jesus would at times come to them, to encourage their hearts, and light up their countenances.

I asked the meaning of the shaking I had seen, and was shown that it would be caused by the straight testimony called forth by the counsel of the True Witness to the Laodiceans. This will have its effect upon the heart of the receiver, and will lead him to exalt the standard and pour forth the straight truth. Some will not bear this straight testimony. They will rise up against it, and this will cause a shaking among God’s people.
________________________________________

By "calling out" people in truth and honesty, this is "straight testimony" It has only one of two effects. It either has effect on the heart, or they do not bear the straight testimony. The result is obvious. We are living in a time when straight and true testimony will define the generation preceding the end of the ages. The "True Witness" is in charge. The sheep hear His voice and cannot but bear the message of love, and of sensitivity, and of mercy, and of judgment. Stay true and don't deviate no matter what.

lol

Don't have ANY thing to do with her again until she sincerely apologizes to you ...... and she won't anytime soon and she probably never will

From her reply I can tell she is educated and articulate so knowing that and also reading how her you say her personality is ....I would guess that she is college educated , became brainwashed and now thinks like a liberal

She is a complete narcissist .... the absolute worse people to be around

I think you wrote both so called emails...Have a great day!

OP, you should be very happy (and comforted) that you handled it better than I would have.

I would have made that little brat daughter cry like a pussy!

I would have sat down with my son (within earshot of the daughter) & said "don't worry son, she's just mean because she's ugly".

"look at her buck teeth & huge ears, nobody likes her, she's so ugly even her dad ran away...Her face could scare a hungy dog off a meat wagon...and just look at that volcanic ZIT on her forhead". :D

Only if you're also a cunt. Are you a cunt?

Nah. It's two different people. Or one person with multiple personalities. The psychology and diction is all wrong.

Your sister is a crazy bitch. Not necessarily because of what she did to make your son cry.. but for everything that came afterwards and her lack of remorse and human decency.

Bob -- thank you for such a kind and detailed reply. I am on my phone so I can't really do the whole quote thing as well as you did but I will try to fill in the details of what you said was missing because I truly appreciate your analysis...

This all happened at my younger sisters beach house - that's why we were all there. I live about 1200 miles away. They live close by each other about 200 miles from her beach house. It was a hard week with her being there too. She drank a ton, never watched her younger kids and kept hitting on my brother in laws brother in some really tragic ways - he was not interested... I'll admit I'm not really the frat house type of gal - I thought this was gonna be more family friendly so maybe I was being a stuck up bitch but my kids are still pretty young. Nic is the oldest and I have 3 others younger.

My sisters and I have a long, rocky history and we do have other siblings but it's mostly us 3. There is a shared abuse history with a neighbor and a ton of background craziness. She basically denies anything ever happened to her but admits sending us younger two over so she didn't have to go over there ever again. I think a lot more happened then she wants to admit and that she thinks I blame her which I don't - I blame him. Anyway, the guy is in jail but anytime anything comes up (like parole or other legal issues) she disappears. That I do blame her for...

One time several years ago I was staying as a guest in her home and she got mad at me and refused to let me into her home to retrieve my things (which btw she claims her ex did to her and took him to court over it) so I just walked away for like 2 years.

I got sucked back in without even an apology but she has hated my husband ever since that time frame. She really does hate him. He's a good looking guy and makes crazy good money. In the past she's flirted with him (I think, he says no) but he cut her off financially when he found out she was accusing her ex husband of stuff with the intent of getting the kids away that she was also guilty of. He disdained the hypocrisy of it and his money helping it. She has poisoned her oldest daughter about her dad and they have no relationship but he still gets the 2 younger ones. The ex is a good ole boy - drinks a ton and smokes some pot. But she was like freaking chimney when they were married. She smoked pot all thru all of her pregnancies and breast feeding. She's not a huge drinker but when she does it's too much. I stay away from drugs and alcohol because I do not like to not be in control. Pot and alcohol make me feel vulnerable and I don't like it. She has always felt I am square because of that.

Anyway - the 10 minutes... What happened was my son walked away and went off by himself. I saw him and asked what was wrong and he told me. A few minutes later when the other cousin walked by us I asked what happened and he kinda verified but minimized what was said and walked off. Then my sister comes in and asks what happened. She then started being nasty and said she was there and none of that happened and he was delusional. She walked outside. He started crying cuz she was really mean about it. So I followed her outside and lit into her. I asked who was the adult and who was the child. I said even if he was totally wrong in his interpretation, why wasn't she concerned his feelings were hurt? Why couldn't she just sympathize with him for one minute and not scream at him? I was very heated. So I walked away back into the house. There were quite a few others who witnessed my little tirade. So the 10 minutes was just me walking away and being inside my myself for about 10 minutes. I guess my other sister suggested that the daughter come apologize.

I told my niece that wasn't really an apology and to not bother. She then called me a bitch and I just walked away.
No one ever made her deal with that.

I started packing my things right away. I went upstairs to get a few things out of the laundry and everyone was laughing and acting like nothing had just happened. It was bizarre.

The next morning I told my sister whose house it was that I was going but would hang out til my nephews woke up to say goodbye. When my nasty sister found out she called me a crazy bitch drama queen and delusional and then refused to let me speak and walked outside and started hugging and kissing my kids in their foreheads. So instead I just left right away while my other sister was showering and texted her later.

I don't think my husband felt like he needed her side because he knows I wouldn't lie. He knows all she does is at the best deal in half truths, like with her ex husband in court.

There is no money but my parents are old and not going to be around very long. My Dad has incurable cancer. I don't want to cut them out but it seems like she is always around. My younger sister and I had a falling out over the abuse thing a few years ago but we mended it and are back to normal.

He is tired of her shit too but he doesn't cross my mom. My mom is an enabler - always has been. But mostly cuz she doesn't like conflict. They always bail her out financially because she doesn't know how to sacrifice or budget. She claims she was an abused wife and I don;t doubt it but I also believe she gave as good as she got and sometimes saw her do ridiculous things like pour popcorn all over his office and throw a used tampon at his head. No shit - she pulled it straight from her vag and threw it at him. In front of people. She also loved to scream at him in front of people he has a small dick. I was not raised white trash - we actually all have a fair amount of money but felt like it every time I was around them when they were married. It did get better after they separated. But I guess we do sound pretty white trash after reading some of this...

Actually, you have no idea if she's articulate. You were reading an email, genius. I think what you meant to write is that she writes well, but that's not true. For example, she wrote, "Your absence from the situation attributes to your complete lack of perspective, and yet your subsequent judgement speak volumes." That's a retarded sentence. For instance, she misused the word, "attributes."

[link to dictionary.reference.com]

noun
5.
something attributed as belonging to a person, thing, group, etc.; a quality, character, characteristic, or property:
Sensitivity is one of his attributes.
6.
something used as a symbol of a particular person, office, or status:
A scepter is one of the attributes of a king.

I think what the bitch meant to say was, "is attributed to," as in "Your absence from the situation is attributed to your complete lack of perspective...." However, even this doesn't make sense because it's a logical inversion. It would only make sense the other way around.

Then the cunt goes on to say, "your subsequent judgment speak volumes." It's "speaks," not "speak." Also, she says his "judgment speak volumes," but of course she's not willing to express one example of what that judgment supposedly speaks." She accuses him of being vapid when she's the one who's full of shit.

The bottom line: you don't go around making fun of dead guys who your nephew cared about.

To the OP I ask this: why do you even talk to this woman? Distance yourself from this woman. My mom did this with my aunt. It sucks, but sometimes its for the best.

It is unseemly to air private laundry in public.