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help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble

 
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 05:47 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Clare seems pretty intelligent and articulate. I think we'd be friends.
 Quoting: Getz


i enjoyed the reply too.

was refreshing to see someone maintain their composure while kicking ass.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 06:39 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Well, I'm sorry to be so blunt but honestly you and your husband tried to communicate with her your issue and she acted very immaturely. Let that be a lesson learned that you and your husband and son are all you can worry about. Let her be how she wants bc you and your husband can't change or help her. No, I don't think your crazy either (: Cling to God, your husband and son, they're all that matter. (: and pray for everyone in the world, it's all we can do. I know how you feel.. wanting relationships to be healthy and not fucked up in families but sometimes it just doesn't work out the way we'd like. Hope this helps.. God bless (:
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5785393


This^ Sometimes it is best to keep your distance from family members like Clare.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 06:49 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
i kinda like your sister!!!

her response is something i would write myself.

you interrupting the trip because of a dead kid who's not even family is retarded!
zeke
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08/30/2014 07:04 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
This. She is a bitch.





I feel Clare missed the point entirely by her articulate, yet deflective response.
Not a word about hurting you sons feelings....
I don't allow people like that to
Hang in my kingdom.
 Quoting: ^V^


I feel Clare missed the point entirely by her articulate, yet deflective response.
Not a word about hurting you sons feelings....
I don't allow people like that to
Hang in my kingdom.
 Quoting: ^V^
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 07:05 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 07:23 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Clare seems pretty intelligent and articulate. I think we'd be friends.
 Quoting: Getz


So you like people who make young boys cry and then defend themselves by yelling at the boy they're a liar?
 Quoting: julesvm


No, I'm just saying that I tend to understand and relate better to those who can communicate as clearly and concisely as she does as opposed to, say, you.
 Quoting: Getz


Fair enough...
 Quoting: julesvm


No, imo it's not fair. Your communication was just as clear as hers and furthermore she came off as cold and arrogant.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 07:43 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
My opinion?
Of course you realize your sister is horrible mean person. Her entire response is me oriented and cold and cruel. She is psychotic.
Second, you must already realize this and you should quit being surprised by it and expect it from her.
Third, because of the above, why the hell would you or your husband feel the need to explain yourself to a crack pot? This bitch doesn't care about anyone's feelings. You can only go home and thank your lucky star that the blood from your normal parent diluted this potential personality trait in you.
Forth, you never mentioned how old or what is wrong with your son. It's hard to figure out if he is overly sensitive, but I am guessing yes. However, that is much better than being a psycho.
Fifth, the real issue to be dealt with is explaining to your son that assholes exist and yes, even in our own families and how to deal with it in a more constructive way than crying. He needs to learn to express how he feels with his words, that will empower him.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 08:08 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Family is anyone that you choose to bring into your circle. Blood kind can often be your very worst nightmare -- trust me.

Surround yourself with positive, upbeat people who have a heart. Say a prayer for your sister & her rude daughter, but don't feel obligated to put up with their insensitivity issues. You can love them, but not like their actions.

Please don't waste precious time trying to mend a seam with very loose thread, that keeps coming apart.

Your immediate family is all that is important.

peacehf
Virgo10

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08/30/2014 08:12 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
very sad.
 Quoting: lamb232


I'm asking honestly - is there something I did or didn't do that made the situation that bad? Should I try to fix it?
 Quoting: julesvm


Ignorance is bliss. Move on. Just stop it. This,too,will pass.
HistoryPHD

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08/30/2014 08:19 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
I think my sister is crazy but maybe I'm the one who's nuts... long story short we went to visit other family a few weeks ago and she was there (I usually try to avoid her)

She was the only adult in the room when her teenage daughter and another cousin started joking about things my son is very sensitive about and he started crying. My anger was not necessarily in what was said knowing he was very emotional in general and might have just been too thin skinned but that no one cared he was hurt by WHATEVER happened. Instead of apologizing everyone (including the adult) started defending themselves and still showed no concern.

I called my sister out on it and it got very ugly. 10 minutes later her complete bitch of a daughter comes in and nastily says "I guess I'm supposed to apologize to you about some dead guy or something" and that was the last straw.

I packed up my stuff and left on a 2 day drive the next morning (a week early). I called my husband from the road and, crying, explained some of it. He then fired off this email and right after is her response... FYI - I just found out today because he didn't want me to know how she responded but my mom asked me about it, so apparently she's been talking a storm up...


On Fri, Aug 15, 2014 at 10:49 AM, Ted wrote:

Clare,

Juliet told me this morning that you made Nicolas cry while making fun of the friend from our neighborhood who died in a motorcycle accident last weekend for riding without a helmet and having a funny name. That really made me dissapointed in you, I thought you had more integrity than that.  Nicolas is just a boy, even though his physical appearance is more like that of a young man. I think sometimes people forget that and just see the outside.

As you know, the while family has had a rough time this month between having to put our beloved Ringo down, my job concerns and company layoffs and now this unexpected tragedy that hits so close to home.  And now I hear you are angry that Juliet called you out on it and screamed at her.   I'll pray for you that God will open your heart and fill you with His love. That you will be forgiven and free forever.

Take care,
Ted

On Mon, Aug 18, 2014 at 11:31 AM, Clare wrote:

Dear Ted --

If you believe everything you hear, you are truly foolish. Your absence from the situation attributes to your complete lack of perspective, and yet your subsequent judgement speak volumes.

You and I do not have a relationship that would warrant this kind of communication. I presume you sent this to me to have some effect which eludes me, and honestly makes me question your intentions, not to mention your grasp on reality.

Please keep your opinions to yourself in the future as I have no interest or investment in your opinion of me or your skewed and vapid communications.

I truly hope that your family gets the help it so desperately needs.

Sincerely -
Clare

Tell me what you think GLP...
 Quoting: fore-eyz


All criticism is self criticism.
I'll rip the band aid off-
Seems like your son is a real fluoride head. Does he cry over road kill too?

As for your sister, she's a real c-nt and needs to get punched right in the face for not being considerate enough to apologize for her c-nt of a daughter.

It's obvious your sisters husband is a jerk off too. Everything goes back to the parents and how people are raised.

Your sister is weak for criticizing you. You also share the same weakness for letting your wife raise your son like a daughter.

Good luck untangling this mess. Thank your parents
HistoryPHD
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 08:20 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Clare seems pretty intelligent and articulate. I think we'd be friends.
 Quoting: Getz


There is a difference between intelligence and wisdom.
Clare sounds like she is sadly lacking in the latter,
as are most "intelligent" people.
Wisdom is GOLD, Intelligence is SILVER.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 08:21 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Clare seems pretty intelligent and articulate. I think we'd be friends.
 Quoting: Getz


There is a difference between intelligence and wisdom.
Clare sounds like she is sadly lacking in the latter,
as are most "intelligent" people.
Wisdom is GOLD, Intelligence is SILVER.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 62320138


BTW I am gifted with a very high IQ, but I know
the severe limits of "intelligence".
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 08:22 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
It's quite obvious from the wording of the emails which party is wrong. Your husband handled it gracefully, while her tone was nasty. That leads me to believe that she is definitely a b*tch, as is her pissy little daughter too. I'd completely cut them off. We just did this with my husband's family and it has lifted a huge weight that was on our shoulders and our relationship.

Honestly, it took a long time for me and my husband to realize the way his family abused us. You're better than that. You don't need that. The family you and your husband created is your family now. Your @$$hole sister and her @$$hole kids shouldn't matter anymore if that is how they plan to treat you guys. Maybe keeping your distance shouldn't mean just being in the other room anymore. Maybe you need to take it a step further and just not go to those functions that she will be at anymore. Soon the rest of your family will see through her too (if they don't already) and you'll be invited back to things with the understanding that they no longer invite her. Let her make her own bed. Karma will eventually find her..

Good luck!
Anonymous Coward
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Netherlands
08/30/2014 08:36 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Well that was a fascinating read. I want to chime in.

i think your sister is the way she is because of guilt and jealousy. Guilt started when she sent her younger sisters to the neighbour's house knowing what would happen, jealousy has probably been around for as long. If it hasn't, seeing your solid marriage with a good looking guy who makes MONEY would be enough to rattle her cage.

I do think your husband is a little bit self righteous, and because she was financially dependant on him for a while, he might think he has a right to interfere with things. Of course, he is only protecting his wife and son, but to hope God will forgive some one, that is just plain annoying to be fair.

Hardened people have no patience for the thin skinned. I am think skinned myself and only recently have I realised that the reason people respond badly to a raw sometimes broken soul is all about instinct and survival. A tribe wants tough strong fighters to survive, not quivering sensitives. Nobody cares about spiritualism (anymore), it doesn't win any wars, we're all about fighting and flying our own flag.

I hope your son manages to harden himself somewhat in the future, because life really is going to be harsh at times. On the other hand, the poor child was upset because a young man lost his life, and the dog recently died, it's enough to make anybody a little weaker, even temporarily.

I wouldn't bother with the email. You're throwing little bits of shade and it will annoy the hell out of the old bitch, just leave it. Just let some time pass and move on. Dealings with these people might be the perfect lesson for your son to go through. you can be as soft as you want as long as you are true to yourself. He needs to realise the world is full of cunts.

I hope things are resolved for you all and I feel bad for your sisters daughter, I am sure she is an evil little shit but she seems to be learning from the best.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 08:42 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
So it's your sister but you had your husband do your talking? That's weird. You should talk to your own sister.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 08:51 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
OP, just from your husbands text i'm left wondering if your son is a special needs child. And i mean that in the most respectful way. Maybe he's just a big pre-teen. Regardless...your sisters defense of her daughters lack of compassion speaks volumes. I hope it all gets worked out with the help of other family members.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 08:55 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Well, I'm sorry to be so blunt but honestly you and your husband tried to communicate with her your issue and she acted very immaturely. Let that be a lesson learned that you and your husband and son are all you can worry about. Let her be how she wants bc you and your husband can't change or help her. No, I don't think your crazy either (: Cling to God, your husband and son, they're all that matter. (: and pray for everyone in the world, it's all we can do. I know how you feel.. wanting relationships to be healthy and not fucked up in families but sometimes it just doesn't work out the way we'd like. Hope this helps.. God bless (:
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5785393


Was going to give a large commentary but this AC read my mind and saved me some typing. Clare appears to be uncaring and a real jerk. Who in this world would push anyone to tears, thin skinned young man or not, and not appologize? I can't imagine it. Even if the boy is too thin skinned or emotionally unstable, every human being should try to avoid painful teasing or jokes. Thats just rude.

Frankly, I would suspect that Clare has some psychopathic tendencies and really doesn't give a rat's ass about what she and her accompolices did. The fact that they all defended themselves instead of just saying they were sorry or wrong or admitting they created a bad situation shows they all have psychopathic tendencies. Often times people become what is known as seconday psychopaths.

Don't misunderstand what I am saying. I'm not saying she'll become a serial killer or an arsonist. The majority of psychopaths are pretty much law abiding people. Often they are seen as strong leaders. Most gravitate to government, religious, industry and other societal leadership roles. Its just that they have a totally different motivation in life than those of us that have empathy or salvation.

I will pray for healing, however, when people like Clare are involved in a situation I don't have much hope. God can heal psychopaths, however, they have to want to be healed and most don't. Its everyone else's fault, always and forever. Its the psychopathic way.

Good luck and God Be With You.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 08:57 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Leave yourself and your family a big space of time away from this family .
Pray for them and don't close the door in your mind and heart .
Forgive them , ( for your own good , it is not a feeling but an act of your will )

They definitely need to grow up and seem toxic .
Rising Son

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08/30/2014 09:03 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
OP, you cannot change other people, so stop trying. If your sister and her daughter want to be that insensitive and uncaring with you and your family, let them. It shows they have no respect for your boundaries or you, and you are wasting your time, effort, and emotions trying to get through to them. You would be better off distancing yourself from your sister and focusing on more important things, IMHO...

hf
"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Truth needs no validation because it is self-evident and undeniable. Therefore, anything that requires validation to be realized or justified as truth must contain at least some degree of falsehood.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 09:15 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
I think my sister is crazy but maybe I'm the one who's nuts... long story short we went to visit other family a few weeks ago and she was there (I usually try to avoid her)

She was the only adult in the room when her teenage daughter and another cousin started joking about things my son is very sensitive about and he started crying. My anger was not necessarily in what was said knowing he was very emotional in general and might have just been too thin skinned but that no one cared he was hurt by WHATEVER happened. Instead of apologizing everyone (including the adult) started defending themselves and still showed no concern.

I called my sister out on it and it got very ugly. 10 minutes later her complete bitch of a daughter comes in and nastily says "I guess I'm supposed to apologize to you about some dead guy or something" and that was the last straw.

I packed up my stuff and left on a 2 day drive the next morning (a week early). I called my husband from the road and, crying, explained some of it. He then fired off this email and right after is her response... FYI - I just found out today because he didn't want me to know how she responded but my mom asked me about it, so apparently she's been talking a storm up...


On Fri, Aug 15, 2014 at 10:49 AM, Ted wrote:

Clare,

Juliet told me this morning that you made Nicolas cry while making fun of the friend from our neighborhood who died in a motorcycle accident last weekend for riding without a helmet and having a funny name. That really made me dissapointed in you, I thought you had more integrity than that.  Nicolas is just a boy, even though his physical appearance is more like that of a young man. I think sometimes people forget that and just see the outside.

As you know, the while family has had a rough time this month between having to put our beloved Ringo down, my job concerns and company layoffs and now this unexpected tragedy that hits so close to home.  And now I hear you are angry that Juliet called you out on it and screamed at her.   I'll pray for you that God will open your heart and fill you with His love. That you will be forgiven and free forever.

Take care,
Ted

On Mon, Aug 18, 2014 at 11:31 AM, Clare wrote:

Dear Ted --

If you believe everything you hear, you are truly foolish. Your absence from the situation attributes to your complete lack of perspective, and yet your subsequent judgement speak volumes.

You and I do not have a relationship that would warrant this kind of communication. I presume you sent this to me to have some effect which eludes me, and honestly makes me question your intentions, not to mention your grasp on reality.

Please keep your opinions to yourself in the future as I have no interest or investment in your opinion of me or your skewed and vapid communications.

I truly hope that your family gets the help it so desperately needs.

Sincerely -
Clare

Tell me what you think GLP...
 Quoting: fore-eyz


Well, judging from the vocabulary, Ted seems intelligent, and Clare seems intelligent--- these do not seem like some backwoods hicks. I was not there, so I don't know what transpired between you and her. But I do know one thing. Spreading personal stuff like this around, especially to the likes of some people here is not wise. You obviously can't keep secrets, and want you're own justification, so that speaks volumes about you. Maybe your sister's last words are correct as from the emails it seems your family is the one struggling. One of these tpyes who like drama perhaps?
SaveUSa

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08/30/2014 09:17 AM

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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Your sister is clearly a self-centered liberal.

No point in attempting to change her. She is obviously too far gone. Don't give her any more of your energy.

Not worth it.
Within the surreal depths of "reality" lies the truth.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 09:24 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
I can say with a high level of accuracy that your sister is a completely self absorbed and narcissistic individual, and she sounds like she may also be sociopathic. I see zero ability to empathize with anything you or your husband said. Your husband was very cordial and honest, the fact that this woman came back with that amount of venom shows that she indeed did feel guilty, and yet again instead of choosing to see from anyone else's perspective and actually showing compassion, she went on making excuses for herself.

My girlfriend has the same type of family. They don't care about anyone but themselves, they only ever call when they need something, or they need a ride, or when they have problems. They make her feel guilty for not coming around them, but when she points out why, they come back with nastiness and insults.

My advice? Don't go around them anymore. At all. Only allow people in your life who actually care about you and your family. Siblings bond when they are younger, but many don't maintain close relationships once they become adults. Your sister sounds like a real mess. Your life will be better off. Good luck.
Mr. Toppit

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08/30/2014 09:32 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
I've seen more sister fights than you can imagine. Sisters should stay away from each other. The one brutal selfish sister will attack the other for dominance or control and before they realize it the whole thing turns into a bloodbath. After the fight the sisterhood thing is all over. There is no reconciliation possible. Total separation is the outcome. Go to a lawyer and get family divorce papers drawn up. Change names for real. Move to another state. Quit talking, quit the family reunions. Get away from the monster in your life forever.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 09:33 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
very sad.
 Quoting: lamb232


I'm asking honestly - is there something I did or didn't do that made the situation that bad? Should I try to fix it?
 Quoting: julesvm



here is my suggestion... feed the good dog, starve the mean dog. spend your energy on things that you want in your life, and remove your energy from things you do not want. Ergo, if you do not want this mess in your life, then literally, ignore it and forget about it, and go do something awesome wih your son instead
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 09:35 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
OP, here is my two cents from dealing with a lifetime of a dysfunctional family. Think about this, if you just randomly knew your Sister would you have already cut ties with her? Would you accept her behavior if she was just a friend or acquaintance? I would say most likely not or you are a doormat that needs to work on your self esteem.


It is sad that we will accept unacceptable behavior from family members that we would never tolerate from anyone else. I would make up my mind that nothing this person says will bother me and suck it up while I am around my ailing parents. Once my parents were gone those people would be cut out of my life. You didn't choose who your siblings are and certainly can't be responsible for their screwed up lives. I would bet that your Sister has always had a screwed up adult life and that will probably never change. Don't let yourself get dragged down in the muck of her drama. Enjoy your family that you have created with your husband. Life is too short to intentionally deal with drama queens and people who never learn from their mistakes.

BTW, I would not even respond to the emails between Sister and Hubby. Good luck to you. hf
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 09:44 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
My opinion?
Of course you realize your sister is horrible mean person. Her entire response is me oriented and cold and cruel. She is psychotic.
Second, you must already realize this and you should quit being surprised by it and expect it from her.
Third, because of the above, why the hell would you or your husband feel the need to explain yourself to a crack pot? This bitch doesn't care about anyone's feelings. You can only go home and thank your lucky star that the blood from your normal parent diluted this potential personality trait in you.
Forth, you never mentioned how old or what is wrong with your son. It's hard to figure out if he is overly sensitive, but I am guessing yes. However, that is much better than being a psycho.
Fifth, the real issue to be dealt with is explaining to your son that assholes exist and yes, even in our own families and how to deal with it in a more constructive way than crying. He needs to learn to express how he feels with his words, that will empower him.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37601175


THIS

bump



Start boosting you sons confidence, remind him what he does well and right.. and keep him away from toxic people, even family members- which can be the worst.

My brother in law had the balls to insult my children and even gossip about them, and I could care less if I never saw him again. Don't mess with the children- that is over the line.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 09:46 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Family is anyone that you choose to bring into your circle. Blood kind can often be your very worst nightmare -- trust me.

Surround yourself with positive, upbeat people who have a heart. Say a prayer for your sister & her rude daughter, but don't feel obligated to put up with their insensitivity issues. You can love them, but not like their actions.

Please don't waste precious time trying to mend a seam with very loose thread, that keeps coming apart.

Your immediate family is all that is important.

peacehf
 Quoting: SilverSage


Great way to say it

hf
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 09:47 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
Her sister sounds like a delusional & psychotic. My advice simply stay away from these types of people, once they show their true character, expect no better behavior.

Protect & cherish your son's tender heart. You must be doing something right, you son is turning out great.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 09:49 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
The whole family seems jacked up. The husband needs to burn down the house with everyone in it, move to Canada, and start over.
Anonymous Coward
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08/30/2014 09:52 AM
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Re: help me out GLP - give me your honest opinion about this family squabble
very sad.
 Quoting: lamb232


I'm asking honestly - is there something I did or didn't do that made the situation that bad? Should I try to fix it?
 Quoting: julesvm


1. You were a mother defending your child!

I think that is why you acted so strongly. By the same token, perhaps your sister was defending her child?

Not saying anything to excuse her, but, if you are looking for some rational, try that.

Your sister sounds like a very shallow person. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man that you are very lucky to have.

Me, naw, I would just let things be and not try to have a relationship with the sister. The only reason to try is for your parents. If it upsets them, I would try to tolerate her.





GLP